NO PI^AYSI EXCHANGCO. 



i^AHER'^ Edition 
m of Pl7\y3 m 



The Private Tutor 



Price, 25 Cents 







THP AMA70NS V^^^ ^ ^I'^^^ -^^^^b- seven males, ave^emaies. 
tUl4 AUiai4 lit? CoBtumes, modern ; scenery, not difficult. Plays 
a fall evening. 

m CABINET HimsmR Ss;,".'r.l-,»'Se'rs= 

Bcenei y, three interiors. Plays a full evening. 

DANDY DICK ^*'"*'® ^ Three Acts. Seven males, four lemaJes. 
CostumeSv modem ; scenery^ two interiors. Playe 
two hoars and a halt 

THP AAV IflDII nriPT Comedy in Fo or Acts. Foor males ten 
lllG UAl LiVAV VtCA ,^^^^^1^^ Costumes, modem ; sceoery. 

twc interiors and an exterior. Plays a full evening. 

BIS BOOSE IK ORDER lZiroZ^T:J^t.7^:::Z 

three interiors. Plays a full evening. 

THP HORRY RORSF Comedy in Three Acts. Ten males, five 
IU£ UUDOl UVAJC females. Costumes, modern; scenery easy. 
Plays two hoxirs and a half. 

inic Drama In Five Acts. Seven males, seven females. CostumeOi 
modem ; scenery, three interiors. Plays a full evening. 

I ADY RAIINTIV'ITI ^^^ ^ Four Acts. Eight males, seven fe- 
LfAIfl UWIM.UVI4 ijia_ieg_ Costumes, modern ; scenery, four in- 
teriors, not easy. Plays a full evening, 

I VTT\ Drama in Four Acts and an Epilogue. Ten males, five f e- 
'^^ * males. Costumes, modem ; scenery complicated. Plays a 
toll evening. 



Sent prepaid on receipt of price by 

Waltn ^. 'Bafier & Company 

Kb. 5 Hamilton Place, Boston, Massachusetts 



The Private Tutor 

A Farce in Three Acts 



By 
E. J. WHISLER 

Copyright, 1907, by E. J. Whisler 



BOSTON 
WALTER H. BAKER & CO. 

1Q12 



The Private Tutor 



CHARACTERS 



Fred Spencer, who believes that experience is the best teacher. 

George Carothers, his chum, who also seeks experience. 

Mr. Spencer, his father, who owns an oil well. 

Hans Dinklederfer, his undoing, the leader of a little German 

band. 
Richard, servant at the Spencers^ 
Mrs. Spencer, Ned's mother, who feels the responsibility of the oil 

well and has social aspirations. 
Dolly Spencer, his sister, who has a mind of her ozvn. 
Miss Snap, a detective. 

SYNOPSIS 

Act I. — Fred Spencer's rooms at Clearfield College. 
Act II. — The Spencer home. One week after Act I. 
Act III. — The Spencer home. Ten minutes after Act II. 




Copyright, 1912, by Walter H. Baker & Co, 

TMP92-007525 

©CID 28754 



The Private Tutor 



ACT I 

SCENE. — Fred Spencer's rooms at Clearfield College. 
Doors R., L. and c. Window in flat. College flags, 
posters, etc., hung about the walls. Chairs R., R, c. and L. 
Tabourette beside chair R. 

{A little German band is playing off stage as curtain rises. 
Discover Fred seated R. smoking a pipe.) 

Fred. Plague take that band ! The so-called music they 
make is enough to give a man the horrors, and I am nearly 
desperate now. As though it were not enough that I should 
be caught coming away from that prize-fight, the fates have de- 
creed that while I live in hourly dread of the inevitable notice 
of expulsion from school, it shall be with an accompaniment of 
creepy music by a little German band. (^The band stops play- 
ing.) Thank heaven they've stopped. [Rises and paces 
about.) I wonder where Carothers is. If he doesn't come 
pretty soon I'll die of sheer nervousness. This suspense is 
killing me. 

Enter George Carothers, d. f. 

Geo. Good-morning, Fred. 
Fred. Oh, here you are, at last. 
Geo. Any news ? 

{Goes to tabourette r., takes pipe, fills and lights it.) 

Fred. Not a word. Have you heard anything ? 

Geo. I've heard nothing. 

Fred (^seated r.). I wonder what's keeping old Moriarty 
so quiet. It has been three days since he caught us coming 
away from that prize-fight, and he is usually very prompt — 
especially in matters of this kind. 

3 



4 THE PRIVATE TUTOR 

Geo. {seated r. c). If he knew what mental anguish he is 
causing us by holding us in suspense, I don't believe he would 
ever communicate with us. 

Fked. Don't talk about it ! I haven't slept a night since. 

Geo. Oh, Spencer, why did we ever go to that prize-fight ? 

Fked. Don't ask such fool questions. We did go, and got 
caught too — worse luck. The point to consider now is how to 
get out of it. 

Geo. I don't see hovir we can get out of it, for old Moriarty 
himself saw us coming away, and you know what the penalty 
is for going there. 

Fred. Expulsion ! I know what will happen to me when 
the governor learns of this. 

Geo. What is that ? 

Fred. The bread plate will no longer be passed in my 
direction. 

Geo. I don't understand. 

Fred. I have been expelled before, you know. Twice. 
{Quickly.') Altogether a mistake in both cases, I assure you. 
Mistaken identity in the first instance and circumstantial evi- 
dence in the second case. 

Geo. {knowingly). Precisely so. I understand. Been 
there myself. The innocent party always suffers. 

Fred. Don't you believe me? 

Geo. Didn't I agree with you? 

Fred. Yes, but 1 don't altogether like your tone of voice. 

Geo. I give you my word, I believe you. Go on with 
your story. 

Fred. Well, the last time it occurred the governor at a 
private session told me he was going to send me here to school 
and assured me, kindly — but firmly, that in case I got into any 
further trouble our hitherto cordial relations would cease and 
that I would be under the necessity of providing my own 
maintenance. 

Geo. You don't mean to say that he threatened to cut you 
off! 

Fred. That's just what I do mean to say. 

Geo. Pretty straight talk, 

Fred. I should say so. And the worst of it is that he 
meant it. Carothers, can you imagine me earning my own 
living? 

Geo. Well, Fred, I have a pretty strong imagination, but 
it won't reach that far. 



THE PRIVATE TUTOR 5 

Fred. Why, I can't even sprinkle the lawn without getting 
more water on myself than the grass. 

Geo. We surely are in for it. Now, what are we going to 
do? 

Fred. I leave it to you. You got us into this scrape; now, 
you can get us out of it. 

Geo. /did! 

Fred. Yes, you did. 

Geo. I did nothing of the sort. 

Fred. Well, you did. 

Geo. Well, I didn't. 

Fred. Well, you did. 

Geo. Who was it proposed going to the fight? 

Fred. You did. 

Geo. (JioHy). I beg your pardon, I never 

Fred (easily). I accept your apology. I think it is due, 
considering the trouble you have gotten me into, 

Geo. I tiever proposed going. 

Fred. Well, 1 declare. Carothers, I always thought you 
had a monumental nerve ; now I am convinced of it. 

Geo. Who was it came down to my rooms last Monday 
night with the information that there was to be a fight? 

Fred. I. But that doesn't prove that I proposed going. 

Geo. Who was it volunteered the information that he had 
two tickets ? 

Fred. I. But that doesn't prove that I /r^/^j,?^ going. 

Geo. Who was it said, "Do you want to go along, Ca- 
rothers? " 

FuED. George, we have always been good friends, too good 
friends to quarrel over trifles at such a crucial moment as this. 
We got into this scrape together, we will be expelled together, 
let us stick together to the end. (Holds out his hand.) 

Geo. (^folding his arms). Who was it proposed going to 
the fight? 

Fred (zvalkin^ to windoiv in flat). Oh, I did ; I did, of 
course. By Jove, there's the postman. I wonder if he has a 
letter from Moriarty ; I'll go and see. 

(Exit, d. f. The Utile German band begins to play 
outside.) 

Geo. Shade of Mozart, hear that band ! It isn't enough 
to have one's fondest hopes of a brilliant academic future rudely 
shattered, but they must be interred to a requiem, played in 



b THE PRIVATE TUTOR 

Staccato, by a little German band. (77ie music stops suddenly. 
Enter Fred d. f., with a letter.') What's the matter with the 
music ? 

Fred. Nothing, now ; it has stopped. I gave them a 
dollar. 

Geo. a dollar ! Why, man, they'll play all afternoon. 
(Fred starts out.) Come back. Wait until they begin again. 
1 want to see that letter. 

Fred. Do you know, I think that of all the fiendishly con- 
trived tortures of this modern civilization of ours, the little 
German band is the chief. 

Geo. {anxiously). Yes, yes. Did you get a letter from 
Moriarty ? 

Fred {holding it up). Here it is. 

{Looks toward ivindow anxiously.) 

Geo. Never mind. They'll not play again until they 
spend your dollar, and the nearest saloon is in the next block. 
Is that letter from Moriarty ? 

Fred {reading envelope). "Clearfield College. A. D. 
Moriarty, A. B., LL. D., Ph. D., President." {Shakes his 
fist.) D 

Geo. A— M— N. 

Fred. It ought to have a black border two inches deep all 
around. 

Geo. That wouldn't leave any room for the address. 

Fred. So much the better; he couldn't send it to us. 

Geo. Open it. 

Fred. Open it? {Fumbles with it a moment.) I don't 
feel very well. You open it. 

Geo. {opening envelope and taking out letter). Ready ? 

Fred. Go ahead. 

Geo. {reading). " Mr. Fred Spencer. Sir : " 

Fred. Doesn't he say, "dear sir " ? 

Geo. No. 

Fred. I know what that means. Read on. 

Geo. {reading). "On Monday night last you, in company 
with Mr. George Carothers, were observed in attendance at a 
prize-figlit, held in the club rooms of the Jolly Boys' Athletic 
Club. As you well know, attendance at this club's affairs is 
prohibited by the college authorities under penalty of ex- 
pulsion." 



THE PRIVATE TUTOR 



Fred. 0-h ! I know what follows; but read on. 

Geo. (reading^. " However, in consideration of your 
previous good behavior, and the fact that your misdemeanor 
is not generally known, the faculty has decided not to expel 
you 



Fred. Three cheers for old Moriarty. He has a heart, 
after all. Read that again ; it sounds better than a love letter. 

Geo. {leading). "The faculty has decided not to expel 
you, but to suspend you for a period of thirty days. Your 
reinstatement at the expiration of that period will be de- 
termined by your conduct during the intervening time. Yours 
truly." 

Fred. "Your reinstatement will be determined by your 
conduct." Carothers, if you want to know how an angel be- 
haves, watch me for the next thirty days. 

Geo. And here's another candidate for wings. I suppose 
he has sent me a letter just like that. 

Fred. Of course. {They shake hands enthusiastically. 
Bell rin^s off stage. Fred goes to windotu ifi flat. ) Heavens, 
there's father and mother at the door. Of all the times they 
could have selected to come here, this is the worst. I'm lost 
now ! 

Mr. Spencer {outside). Never mind going up, madam. 
We can find the room. {Enter Mr. Spencer, Mrs. Spencer 
and Dolly Spencer, d. f.) Well, Fred. 

Fred. Why, dad ! How are you ? 

Mr. S. Surprised to see us, eh ? Our visit is a little un- 
expected — to all of us. 

Fred. And mother too — and Dolly — I am awfully glad to 
see you. Mother, this is my friend Mr. Carothers ; my sister, 
Mr. Carothers, and my father. (Geo., Mrs. S. and Dolly 
talk aside, L. Fred, r. c. ; Mr. S., c). When did you ar- 
rive ? 

Mr. S. About ten minutes ago. Last night I was unex- 
pectedly called to New York. Your mother and sister came 
with me to do some shopping, and we stopped off to see you. 
How are you ? 

Fred. Enjoying the best of health. 

Mr. S. That's good, that's good. But you look worried. 
Anything the matter? 

Fred {nervously). Oh, my, no ! I never was happier in 
ray life. 

Mr. S, That's good, too. Health and happiness; what 



8 THE PRIVATE TUTOR 

more can a man ask for ? How are you progressing in your 
studies ? 

Fred. Very well. 

Mr. S. {looking at him sharply). No more scrapes, I 
hope. 

Fred. No indeed, dad. My past experience has taught me 
a valuable lesson. Experience is a great teacher. 

Mr. S. That's the way I like to hear you talk. I am glad 
you have settled down. Like your teachers ? 

Y^-^v> {fiervously). Oh, yes. How — how long are you going 
to stay, dad ? 

Mr. S. We leave on the next train, in about half an hour. 

Fred (aside). Thank heaven for that. 

Mr. S. So you like your teachers ? 

Fred. Yes, sir. This — this is fine — fine weather for a trip 
to New York, isn't it? 

Mr. S. Very pleasant. How do you think you are getting 
along in school ? 

Fred. Well, dad, I— I 

Mr. S. Because, my boy, I want you to get a good educa- 
tion. I never had no schooling myself. All the learning I 
ever got I picked up, sort of miscellaneous. I am what you 
might call a self-made man — and not all proud of the job, 
either. When I was your age I had to dig potatoes and plow 
corn when other fellows was goin' to school. And many's the 
time I said to myself, if ever I have a son he's going to have a 
good schoolin'. That forty barrel well in the ten acre lot 
enabled me to keep my promise to myself — and here you are. 
Now, make the best of it. {Crosses to i,. c.) So you are a 
classmate of Fred's, are you, Mr. Carothers? 

Fred [aside). Make the best of it. Oh, if Moriarty were 
to come in here now. (Mrs. S. and Dolly cross to c.) 

Mrs. S. Fred, who is your friend Mr. Carothers? 

Fred. He is a classmate, mother. 

Mrs. S. I know, but xvho is he? Is he a person who would 
make a desirable acquaintance at home? He seems to be a 
very gentlemanly young man. 

Dolly. I think he's perfectly splendid ! 

Fred. You're right, Dolly. He's a bully fellow, mother. 
He is from Boston. 

Mrs. S. Ah, from Boston ! 

Fred. Yes, he belongs to one of the oldest families there. 

Dolly. One of those families that is so old that it is 



THE PRIVATE TUTOR 9 

covered with moss and even the furniture has rheumatism in 
its joints. 

Mrs. S. Dorothy! (7> Fred.) I am glad to see that you 
are choosing your acquaintances. Persons in our position in the 
social world cannot be too careful with whom they associate. 

Dolly. Since the forty barrel v/ell came in. 

Mrs. S. Dorothy, I wish you would be less flippant. Your 
attempts at jesting are very crude. 

Fred. Dorotiiy ! Why, mother, we've always called her 
Dolly. 

Mrs. S. I know, but she is older now, and for a young 
woman in her position, Dorothy is a more dignified name. 

Mr. S. Fred, where does Mr. — Mr. — the president of the 
college — what's his name ? 

Geo. Dr. Moriarty ? 

Mr. S. That's it. Where does he live ? 

Fred {aside). Great Scott ! {To his father.) Oh, it's a 
long walk from here. (Geo. and Dolly talk together l.) 

Mr. S. I'll take a car. 

Fred. We have no street cars {aside) fortunately. 

Mr. S. I. would like very much to see him and learn how 
he thinks you are getting along. 

Fred. But, dad, I don't think you will have time before 
your train goes. 

Mr. S. {easily). Well, we will take the next one. 

Fred {aside). Murder will out. It's all up with me. {To 
his father.) Well, dad, you see — you see the — the fact — the 

fact is {Quickly.) The fact is that I am not going to 

scliool. 

Mr. S. {in a voice of thunder). Not going to scliool ! 

Fred {rushing over to Geo.). For heaven's sake, let my 
sister alone and help me lie. {To his father.) Now, wait a 
uionent, dal, and let me explain. 

Mr. S. Explain ! Explain ! ! Explain ! ! ! What expla- 
nation can there be ? Here, I send you to school on probation, 
after j'ou have been expelled from tv.-o other schools, give you 
money, all the money you want. 

Dolly. Made by the forty barrel well. 

Mr. S. And this time, instead of trying to make amends 
for your past misdeeds, you have not even enrolled. 

Fred. Dad, you are mistaken. Allow me to speak. It is 
because I am endeavoring to make amends for my past mis- 
deeds that I am not attending school. 



lO THE PRIVATE TUTOR 

Mr. S. Yes, that's quite likely. I am through with you — 
done with you. You never would study, you never will study. 

Fred. But, dad, I am studying, day and night. 

Mr. S. You are what ? 

Fred. Studying. Studying — a — studying under a private 
tutor. When 1 came here to school I found that, owing to my 
previous misbehavior, I was so far behind that I must study 
up before I could matriculate. 

Mr. S. Matriculate. What's that? 

Fred. Enter school ; enroll as a student. 

Geo. {to Fred). Bully for you ! It's great ! Keep it up ! 

Fred {to Geo.). No thanks to you. (7> his father.^ 
George was in the same predicament (Geo, glares at Fred) so 
we engaged a private tutor to coach us until we caught up in 
our studies. 

Mrs. S. {aside). So Mr. Carothers is inclined to be 7i)ild. 
He must belong to the best circles. 

Mr. S. That's a good plan. How are you going? 

Geo. Very nicely, sir. The Thanksgiving vacation begins 
to-morrow and at its conclusion, in thirty days 

Fred. Yes, in thirty days 

Geo. We expect to enter school {aside) again. 

Mk. S. Capital, capital ! A good idea ! Fred, ray boy, 
you must pardon my temper of a moment ago, but I thought 
you were up to your old tricks again. 

Fred {waving him aside). Tut, tut, don't mention it, dad. 
Everybody makes mistakes. 

Mr. S. But you mustn't study too hard ; you look haggard 
now. What is your tutor's name? 

Fred. His name? {Short pause.) Oh, yes, his name. 
His name is — now isn't it singular ? I can't think of his name. 
{Aside to Geo.) For mercy's sake, name him ! 

Mrs. S. Perhaps Mr. Carothers can remember the name. 

Geo. The name is — is — his name is — it's a very odd and 
uncommon name — a name one hardly ever hears. His 
name 

Fred. Oh, I remember. His name is Smith. 

Mks. S. Do you know anything about him? 

Fred. Not yet — I mean very little. 

Mrs. S. Is he a nice person ? 

Co, \ {^^S^^^^^*')- 0^i> very nice. 

Mrs. S. Where did you learn of him ? - 



THE PRIVATE TUTOR II 

Fred (crossing to l. c. ; io Geo.). It's your turn ; I told 
the last one. 

Geo. (c). Right here in Clearfield. It was rather curious 
the way we engaged him. In fact, he seemed to force himself 
upon us. We had hardly thought of a private tutor when we 
found we had one. 

Mr. S. I would like very much to meet him. 

Geo. (crossing io l. c. ; to Fred). It's your turn, now. 
Produce him. 

Fred (c. ; clutching Gzo.'s coat). Don't leave me. 

Mrs. S. Does he live far from here ? 

Fred. No, just around the corner. George knows where 
it is. He has been there several times. George, go around 
the corner and tell Mr. — Mr. Smith to come over. 

{Mops his forehead.') 

Geo. With pleasure. \_Exit, d. l. 

Dolly. What a pleasant young man Mr. Carothers is. 

Mrs. S. (at window in flat). You have a very nice view 
from here, Fred. 

Fred (going to ivindow). Yes, the view — the view is very 
nice. That large building over to the right is the county jail, 
and the stone building to the left is the reform school. l"he 
grounds are well laid out. Wouldn't you like to walk about 
the grounds and get a little fresh air? It is very close in here. 

Mrs. S. (as they all exit d. f. ). I hadn't noticed it. 

Fred. Hadn't you? I am nearly smothered. 

Enter Geo., d. l., cautiously. After a moment Ykkq appears 
at D. F. He stumbles against a chair and Geo. rushes 
out D. L. In a moment he looks ifi cautiously, finds Fred, 
and enters. 

Geo. I thought you were your father, waiting for me to 
come back with the tutor. 

Fred. He is out on the lawn, admiring the reform school. 
We are safe for a few minutes. What shall we do? 

Geo. I leave it to you. You invented the tutor; now pro- 
duce him. 

Fred. It's pretty hard to reincarnate a man who never ex- 
isted, but that is just what we must do. 

Geo. I'm not a magician myself. 



12 THE PRIVATE TUTOR 

Fred. No, that's a profession that requires brains. Oh, 
why did we ever go to that prize-fight? 

Geo. Couldn't we get one of the fellows to play the part 
until your people go ? 

Fked. I'm not acquainted with half a dozen of them, and 
I don't know any of them well enough to ask. Besides, they 
are all too young. 

(A noise is heard, and the boys rush together. Short pause. ) 

Geo. I thought that was your father. 
Fred. So did I. 

Geo. What will we do? If we don't produce a tutor in 
about five minutes the game's all up. 

{The little German band begins to play off stage.) 

Fred. There's that damn band again ! 

Geo. They have evidently spent your dollar. 

Fred. What have we done that we should be tortured by 

them in this Eureka ! 1 have an idea ! 

Geo. Hold on to it ; they're scarce around here. 

Fred, That band is our salvation. 

Geo. I fail to follow you. 

(Fred goes to windoiv flat and calls out.') 

Fred. Hey, there. {The band stops playing.) You with 
the trombone ; come up here. No, no, I don't want you to 
play. Come up — up. Up here. That's it. 

(Fred comes down stage.) 

Geo. Fred, are you losing your mind ? 

Fred. Not much ; I'm just finding it. It's an inspiration, 
Carothers; that's what it is, an inspiration. I don't know how 
I ever happened to think of it. 

Geo. Would you mind telling me what you are talking 
about ? 

Enter Hans Dinklederfer, d. f., trombone in hand. 

Hans. You van t to see me? Yes? 

Fred. How would you like to earn ten dollars to-day? 



THE PRIVATE TUTOR I3 

Hans. Yah, I like ut. 

Fred. Well, I'll give you ten dollars if you will do some- 
thing for me. 

Hans. So? Dot's nice. 

Fred. You never were a tutor, I suppose? 

Hans. Yah. 

Fred. You were ! By Jove, Carothers, this is luck ! 
Where were you a tutor ? 

Hans. On der trombone. 

Geo. That's one on you, Spencer. ■ 

FuED. You misunderstand me. I mean, were you ever an 
instructor, a teacher ? 

Hans. I never struck no preacher. 

Fred. No, no. Teacher — teacher. Do you know what a 
teacher is ? 

Hans. Yah. He's der feller vot licks der kids in der 
school. 

Fred. That's the idea. How would you like to be a 
teacher for one day ? 

Hans. Und lick somepody ? Yes ? 

Fred. No. Listen and I will explain. I am supposed to 
be going to school here, but I am not. 

Hans. So? i^Risin^ inflection.') 

Fred. You see, I was going, but I was suspended. 

Hans. So. {^Falling inflection?) 

Fred. When I came here to school my father threatened to 
disinherit me if I got into any trouble — and he has come here 
to-day to visit me. 

Hans. Dot's nice. 

Fred. Not so very. Now, if you will pretend to be a 
teacher or private tutor to that man {indicating Geo.) and me 
until my father goes home, I'll give you ten dollars. 

Hans. How long ? 

Fred. Just one day. 

Hans. Shust von day ? Yes? 

Fred. Just to-day. 

Hans. Und I do noddings ? 

Fred. You do absolutely nothing, and the less you say, the 
better. 

Hans. Und lick nopody ? 

Fred. Nobody. 

Hans. Den tollars for von day — und I do noddings. Sure^ 
I'll do ut. {A noise is heard.) 



14 THE PRIV^\TE TUTOR 

Geo. Here comes your father, Fred. Take him and put 
some respectable clothes on him. 

Fred {pushing Hans). Here, Germany, this way. Hurry 
up. \_Exeunt Fked and Hans, d. r. 

Enter Dollv, d. f. 

Dolly. Well, Mr. Carothers, did you succeed in finding 

Mr. Smith? 

Geo. No, he was not at home. Fred has gone to look for 
him. 

Dolly. How provoking. 

Geo. That Fred has gone ? 

Dolly. No, that Mr. Smith is not at home. 

Geo. I think Fred will be able to find him. He knows 
more about Mr. Smith's movements than I do. 

Dolly. Do you enjoy studying under a private tutor? 

Geo. Y-e-s. Though of course there is not much pleasure 
connected with it. We have to work so hard. 

Dolly. Does he make you work hard ? 

Geo. I should say so. He has caused me more hard work 
than I did in a whole year before we had him. 

Dolly. He doesn't get cross with you, does he? 

Geo. Oh, no, he doesn't get cross. {Aside.) I would like 
to see him try it. {To her.) Of course, he has his peculiari- 
ties and eccentricities. All scholars and deep students have, 
I think. You will be surprised when you see him. He doesn't 
look at all like a professor. 

Dolly. I should think his eccentricities would annoy you. 
"Queer" people always make me fidgety. 

Geo. He does annoy me very much. I will not be com- 
fortable until he is gone. 

Dolly. But, on the other hand, think how much you are 
learning from him. 

Geo. That's a fact. I have learned a great deal since he 
came. 

Enter Mr. and Mrs. S., d. f. 

Mr. S. Well, Fred, did your friend — ah, Mr. Carothers, 
did you find Mr. Smith? 

Geo. No, sir. Unfortunately he was not at home. How- 
ever Fred has gone in search of him, and I think they will both 
be here shortly. 



THE PRIVATE TUTOR 1 5 

Mrs. S. It is too bad we put you to so much trouble. 

Geo. It was no trouble at all. I am only sorry that I did 
not find the professor. In fact, I was afraid at first that we 
wouldn't be able to find one — I mean him. 

Enter Fred and Hans, d. r. Hans is attired in a dress-suit 
several sizes too sfnall for him. 

Fred. Well, dad, here we are at last. I had a hard time 
getting Mr. Smith. Mr. Smith, this is my father, 

Hans. How do do? 

Fred. My mother, Mr. Smith. 

Hans. How do do? 

Fred. And my sister. 

Hans. How do do? {Aside.') U-m. Dot's nice. 

Mr. S. Mr. Smith, I would like to talk to you about my 
son's studies. 

Hans. All r-r-right. 

{They talk aside, L. Mrs. S. stands c, eyeing Hans.) 

Geo. (Fred r. ; Geo. r. c). You've put my dress-suit on 
him I 

Fred. I know it. 

Geo. Why did you do it? 

Fred. Well, I had to put something on him, and the only 
thing /have that would fit him is my night-shirt. 

Geo. I wonder wiiat in the world he's telling your father. 

Fred. The Lord only knows. I tried to stuff him as much 
as possible in the short time I had. 

Dolly {crossing to r. c). What a funny-looking man your 
tutor is, Fred. Does he always wear a dress-suit during the 
day? 

Geo. Didn't I tell you you would be surprised when you 
saw him ? 

Fred. Yes, he never wears anything else. He's very 
peculiar. 

Mrs. S. Fred, I think Mr. Smith is a very odd-looking 
person. 

Fred {crossing to r. of his mother). S-s-s-h, mother; 
don't let him hear you. He's very sensitive. 

Mrs. S. Who is he ? 

Fred. His name is — Smith. 

Mrs. S. But who is he ? Is he well connected ? 



l6 THE PRIVATE TUTOR 

Fred. Why? Does he rattle ? 

Mrs. S. {sternly). Now, Frederick, no jesting. You know 
what I mean. Did he come to you well recommended ? 

Fred. The best of recommendations, mother. The fact is 
that Smith is not his real name. He is a German count, ban- 
ished from his own country by political enemies. {Aside.) 
That wasn't such a bad one. 

Mrs. S. Are you sure of this ? 

Fred. Positive. (^Crosses to L. c.) 

Mrs. S. {rapfiirously). A real count ! Oh, if f could only 
arrange a match between him and Dorothy. A real count ! 

Mr. S. So you think the boys are getting along well, Mr. 
Smith? 

Hans. Yah. I nefer saw such nice poys. 

Mrs. S. What a distinguished appearance he has. 

Mr. S. Well, Maria 

Mrs. S. John ! 

Mr. S. I beg your pardon, mother. Marie. I meant to 
say Marie. 

Fred (crossing to r. c. ; tcy Dolly). So it's Marie now? 

Dolly. Since the forty- barrel well came in. 

Mr. S. It's getting on toward train time. Mr. Carothers, 
you had better come down and spend your Thanksgiving vaca- 
tion with Fred. 

Geo. Thank you, Mr. Spencer, I would be delighted, but 
I fear 

Dolly. Oh, can't you come? 

Geo. Do you want me to come ? (^She nods assent.) But 
I fear I will not be able to refuse your kind invitation. 

Mrs. S. The very thing. I'll venture it. {To Hans.) 
Mr. Smith, I am afraid it will be very dull here for you during 
the Thanksgiving vacation, and we would be very happy to 
have you spend the four weeks with us. 

Hans. Und I gedt den dollars a day ? 

Mrs. S. I don't understand. 

Fred. Mother, it will be out of the question for Mr. Smith 
to go. He means that his literary work will keep him very 
busy during vacation time; in fact, he will make ten dollars a 
day at it. 

Mrs. S. But my dear count, you don't know how glad we 
would be to have you come. 

Hans. Count ! Does dot old voman dink I vos a adding 
machine, yes? 



THE PRIVATE TUTOR 1 7 

Fred. But mother, I am sure Mr. Smith can't go. You 
can't go, can you, Mr. Smith? 

(Shakes his head violently at Hans.) 

Hans. Den dollars a day — und I do nodding. Sure, I'll 

go- 

Mrs. S. Oh, thank you. We will be delighted. 

Mr. S. Well, Maria, I mean Marie, we must be going. 
Come, Dolly. Good-bye, boys; we will expect you in a day 
or two. S^Exeunt all, D. F., but Hans. 

Hans. I vonder vere iss id dose fellers put my trombone. 

\_Exit, D. R. 

Enter Fred a;/// Geo., d. f. 

Fred. Phew ! Thank goodness, that's over. 

Geo. Over I Over! It's only just beginning. Four weeks 
of it. 

Fred. True; I had forgotten. Twenty-eight days of it at 
ten dollars a day. {Drops into chair r.) 

Geo. And my dress-suit. (Drops into chair l.) Oh, 
why did we ever go to that prize-fight? 



CURTAIN 



ACT II 

SCENE. — The Spencer home. Doors down L. and down R. 
Stairway up L., running off to L. French window up R., 
opening on latvn. Cluster outside of window. Table do7vn 
K. with chair on each side. Pedestal with empty vase upon 
it up R. c. Extremely ornate furniture about room. 

Enter Geo., stairway L. 

Geo. [looking around). Humph! Nobody seems to be up 
yet. (^Looks at watch.) Nine o'clock ; I'm about ready for 
breakfast; I wish the family would come down. This is be- 
yond a doubt the most peculiar visit I ever made. We have 
been here one week to day, and every day, from early in the 
morning until late in the evening, Fred has had that Dutchman 
off horseback riding, leaving me at home. I never saw any- 
body so infatuated with equestrian exercise as those two seem 
to be. I wouldn't so much mind Fred's leaving me all alone 
if Dorothy were around to entertain me. By George, there's a 
girl worth while ! I wish I were through school and settled in 
liff. Heigh ho! But what's the use of idle dreams? Not 
much chance there. She is absolutely unapproachable; at 
least it would appear so. About the only opportunity I have 
to see her is at meal time. The rest of the day she seems to 
avoid me, or at least whenever we chance to .meet, she is always 
too busy to talk and hurries away on some pretext. It's 
strange, deucedly strange ; the girls usually are not so indiffer- 
ent to me, and I can't believe that I have done anything to incur 
her displeasure. {£?iter Richard, r. i e., with newspapers.) 
Good morning, Richard. 

Rich. Good-morning, sir. 

Geo. Is Fred down yet? 

Rich. I don't think so, sir; I haven't seen him. 

Geo. Has Miss Dorothy come down ? 

Rich. Miss Dorothy ? Oh, you mean Miss Dolly. 

Geo. Yes. 

Rich. No, sir. Nobody seems to be up but you, sir. 

Geo. Have you the morning papers there ? 

Rich. Yes, sir. 

18 



THE PRIVATE TUTOR I9 

Geo. Give me one. 

Rich. What kind, sir ? 

Geo. What kind ? 

Rich. Yes, sir ; Democrat or Republican, sir ? 

Geo. Oh ! I don't care ; any but a prohibition paper, 

Rich. Here's the Morning Star, sir. 

(^Hands Geo. paper and exit stairway L.) 

Geo. {opening paper'). Nine o'clock ; the Morning Star \s 
late in rising this morning. I wonder if there is anything in 
the paper beside (Jocal). I have read nothing else for the 
last week. I will have this paper memorized by to-night, 
advertisements and all, if Fred goes out again with that 
Dutchman and leaves me alone. 

Enter Dolly French ivindow R., her anns full of chrysanthe- 
mums. 

Dolly. Good-morning, Mr. Carothers. 

Geo. Dorothy ! Good-morning, Miss Spencer. 

Dolly. What made you jump so ? 

Geo. You surprised me. Richard told me that you had 
not come down-stairs yet. 

Dolly. Not up at nine o'clock ! The idea ! Who could 
lie abed on such a beautiful morning as this is, with the sun 
shining so brightly and all nature calling to one to come out- 
of-doors. I have been in the garden for the last hour. 

Geo. Lucky garden. 

Dolly. See the chrysanthemums I have gathered. Aren't 
they beautiful? 

Geo. They never seemed half so beautiful before as they do 
at this moment. 

Dolly. I am afraid you are an arch flatterer, Mr. Carothers. 
Now, 1 must arrange them in this vase. 

(^Crosses to vase, R. c.) 

Geo. Can't I help you? 
Dolly. Perhaps. 
Geo. Thank you. 

( Crosses to Dolly. During following dialogue she places 
the flowers in the vase one at a time and as she does he 



20 THE PRIVATE TUTOR 

abstractedly takes them from the vase and lays them on 
the table.') 

Dolly. I hope you are enjoying your stay with us. 

Geo. Every minute of it. 

Dolly. It is a change from school, at any rate. 

Geo. I should say it is. 

Dolly. You must grow very tired of studying so hard all 
the time. 

Geo. I can't say that I enjoy it as much as I do arranging 
flowers in a vase. 

Dolly. And I suppose the work is especially hard when 
you are studying under a private tutor. 

Geo. I must admit, Miss Spencer, that our tutor has caused 
me more hard work than I ever knew before. 

Dolly. Still, it is an advantage. You will learn faster 
under him. 

Geo. Yes, and more. I have learned to do things since I 
knew him that I never dreamed of doing before. 

Dolly. How long have you been studying under him ? 

Geo. How long ? {Aside. ) I wonder if she's asked Fred 
that, and if so, what he told her. 

Dolly. How long, did you say ? 

Geo. About a month. 

Dolly. About a month ? 

Geo. Yes, about a month. {Aside, destroying flower as 
he speaks.) I wonder why she's asking these questions ; lam 
beginning to feel uncomfortable. 

Dolly. I am afraid Fred is not proving himself much of a 
host, to go off and leave you every day. 

Geo. Oh, I don't mind that ; in fact, I don't care for 
horseback riding. 

Dolly. Fred didn't use to like it, either, but now he seems 
to be wild about it. 

Geo. Perhaps Professor Smith likes to ride. 

Dolly. He does. Fred says the professor wants to ride 
all the time, that's why they are out so much. But I can't 
understand why Fred should give a paid instructor preference 
over an invited guest who is a personal friend. His obligation 
is to you, not to that old fossil. 

Geo. Perhaps Fred thinks his sister will entertain me while 
he is absent. 

Dolly. Now, that isn't fair. 



THE PRIVATE TUTOR 21 

Geo. What isn't fair ? 

Dolly. I don't doubt that you think I am shghting you, 
but — but — it is not my fault. I would like to see you more, 
but — but 

Geo. But what ? 

Dolly. Please don't ask me. 

Geo. Why ? 

Dolly. Because I can't tell you. 

Geo, Will you let me ask you one question ? 

Dolly. What is it? 

Geo. Is your failure to see me more frequently because 
you are unwilling ? (Dolly shakes her head ne,^atively.) Are 
you busy all day long? (Dolly shakes her head again.) 
Then why can't I see more of you ? 

Dolly {confused'). Well, really, Mr. Carothers — you know 
— I am — very busy — and I have many tilings which require my 
attention — and — and — and I must go now and put these flowers 
on the breakfast table. You will excuse me, won't you? 

\_Exit, R. IE., hastily. 

Geo. By Jove, that's deuced queer. She seemed very 
much confused by my questions. There's something in the 
air beside the delectable odor of coffee, and I must find out 
what it is. In the meantime I shall go into the garden and 
look over the paper. \_Exit, French window R. 

Enter Mrs. S., stairivay l. 

Mrs. S. I thought I heard voices in here. I wonder if 
Dorothy was talking to Mr. Carothers again. 

Enter Dolly, r. i e. 

Dolly. Good-morning, mother. 

Mrs. S. Good-morning, Dorothy. I heard somebody talk- 
ing in here just now. Who was it ? 

Dolly {confused). N-nobody. 

Mrs. S. Nonsense ! It would be impossible for '< nobody " 
to talk. Who was it ? 

Dolly. It was — it was — just Mr. Carothers, mother. 

Mrs. S. Now, Dorothy, I have told you before tliat I don't 
want you to have any more to do with Mr. Carothers than is 
absolutely necessary. You must treat him politely, but no 
more. 

Dolly. But, mother, he is our guest. 



22 THE PRIVATE TUTOR 

Mrs. S. Very true, but so is Professor Smith. 

Dolly. But Fred is entertaining Mr. Smith. 

Mrs. S. Entirely too much. 1 wish he would keep the 
count at home more. 

Dolly. But Fred says the professor likes to ride. 

Mrs. S. What of that? Fred doesn't need to take him out 
riding all day long, day in and day out. He ought to give 
us a chance. 

Dolly. A chance ? I don't understand. 

Mrs. S. Dorothy, I find that I am unable to impress upon 
you by hints and suggestions what I mean, and therefore I am 
obliged to speak plainly. 1 desire to arrange a match between 
you and Professor Smith. 

Dolly {(ii^has(). Professor Smith ! Oh, mother ! 

Mrs. S. Professor Smith is a most estimable gentleman. 

Dolly. But, mother, he is impossible. 

Mrs. S. He will be, if you don't pay more attention to him 
and less to Mr. Carothers. Dorothy, it is the chance of your 
life. Think of it ; a German count. 

Dolly. A title isn't everything. 

Mrs. S. Nor is his. 1 have been asking Fred about him, 
and he tells me that Professor Smith is immensely wealthy. 

Dolly. Then why does he dress so shabbily and act so 
boorishly ? 

Mrs. S. The eccentricity of genius. 

Dolly. I suppose Fred told you that also. 

Mrs. S. Yes. Consider, Dorothy — a title, the Countess 
Smith of Germany. Think where such a union would place us 
in society. Think of a palace on the Rhine. 

Dolly. Has he a palace on the Rhine? 

Mrs. S. So Fred says. And even if the count were pen- 
niless, we have enough to keep you both in affluence. (Dolly 
holds her nose. ) What is the matter ? 

Dolly. I smell oil. 

Mrs. S. Now, Dorothy, stop your jesting and think over 
what I have said. Mr. Carothers may be a perfect gentleman, 
but he has no title. I shall sound the count and find out how 
he feels. 

Dolly. But am I not to be considered ? 

Mrs. S. You are too young to know what is best for 3'ou. 
You will thank me for this some day. \_Exit, R. i E. 

Dolly. I shall never live to be that old. 

\^Exit stairway, L. 



THE PRIVATE TUTOR 23 

Enter Geo., French window, r. 

Geo. The morning is perfect, the garden is beautiful, and 
the paper appears to be filled with interesting news, but I am 
too hungry to enjoy any of them until after breakfast. 

Enter Fred, stairway l., in riding outfit. 

Fred. Good-morning, George. 

Geo. Good-morning, Fred. 

Fred. Did you sleep well? 

Geo. Very well, thank you. And you? 

Fred. Do I look as though I had slept well? 

Geo. No, I can't say that you do. What was the matter? 

Fred. You have been in this house with me for the last 
week, and then have the nerve to ask "what is the matter?" 

Geo. Oh, I understand that you can't sleep for worrying 
about that Dutchman ; you haven't slept a night since we have 
been here. But I thouglit perhaps he had gotten you into some 
fresh trouble. 

Fred. No, nothing new. It is bad enough as it is. 

Geo. Where is he now ? 

Fred. He isn't up yet. 1 hope he will sleep all day, for I 
am growing mighty tired of these horseback rides. 

Geo. It is too bad the German is so fond of horseback 
riding that you have to go out every day with him. 

Fred. Fond of it ! Fond of it ! Why, man alive, that 
old Dutchman doesn't know a horse's head from its tail, and 
he is so stiff and sore from riding that he can hardly walk. I 
have to pay him an extra dollar a day to get him to go at all. 

Geo. But I don't see the necessity of laking him into the 
country every day. 

Fred. Perhaps not. And you aren't living in constant 
dread of being disowned by your paterfamilias, either. 

Geo. Well, what has that to do with th^' horseback riding? 

Fred. Simply this : My mother, for some reason that I 
can't begin to understanrl, has taken a very sudden fancy to 
this old music mummy, and when he is in the house she never 
lets him out of her sight. The result is that every moment 
they are together I am in holy terror for fear he will say some- 
thing that will let the cat out of the bag. 

Geo. So that is the reason you take him into the country 
every morning and keep him away all day ? 

Fred. Precisely. Oh^ it's a lovely vacation I'm having ! 



24 THE PRIVATE TUTOR 

Off into the country every day, all day, with an old Dutchman 
whose knowledge of the English language is so linniled that 
about the only thing he can say so that you can understand it 
is, " I'll take the same." 

Geo. I must admit it isn't a very pleasant way of spending 
a vacation. 

Fred. No, you can bet it isn't. Say, Carothers, don'i }'0u 
think it is about time that you took him out for a day's airing? 

Geo. No. You know the roads around here better than I 
do. I'm afraid I might lose him if I took him out. 

Fred. I wish you would. 

Geo. By the way, Spencer, didn't you tell me that you had 
a nightshirt that would fit him ? 

Fred. When did I tell you that? 

Geo. Back at college, the day we engaged hinn. 

Fred. I believe I did. 

Geo. Then why, in pity's name, don't you give it to him ? 

Fred. What do you mean ? 

Geo. I mean that, from the condition of my dress suit, he 
is evidently sleeping in it. 

Fred. Oh, no; no, he isn't. He wears a nightshirt all 
right. At least I gave him one. The wrinkles in your suit are 
caused by riding horseback in it. 

Geo. Good Lord, man, do you mean to tell me that he is 
wearing my dress suit to ride horseback in ? 

Fred. Well, he has to wear somelhiiig, you know. 

Geo. That suit cost me seventy-five dollars, and I haven't 
worn it four times. 

Fred. Well, you've worn it the last time, all right. They 
wouldn't admit you to a dog fight with that suit on now. 

Geo. This is going to be a pretty expensive business. 

Fred. Going to be; just going to be! It has cost me 
seventy-seven dollars already. Dutchy is afraid I will cheat 
him, and every night I have to hand over my little eleven 
dollars. Seven days so far, at eleven dollars a day, is seventy- 
seven dollars — and there are twenty-three more days of it. 
You ought to be ashamed to kick about a paltry little thing like 
a dress suit. 

Geo. Oh, I don't know. It's none of ray doing. I didn't 
bring him here. 

Fred. I'm sure I'm not responsible for his presence. 

Geo. I would like to know who is, if you aren't. 

Fred. My mother; she invited him. 



THE PRIVATE TUTOR 2$ 

Geo. Fred, what do you suppose has caused your mother 
to take such an interest in this Dutchman? 

Fred. You can search me. Mother is subject to fads, and 
he seems to be one of them. Sis is rather strong on him, too; 
at least she is with him a good deal. 

Geo. By the way, Fred, speaking of your sister, do you 
know if I have done anything to offend her? 

Fred. Offend her ! What do you mean ? 

Geo. I mean that about the only opportunity I have of 
speaking to her in the whole day is to say good- morning at the 
breakfast table. The rest of the day she seems to most dili- 
gently avoid me. In the evening, if 1 chance to get near her, 
your mother immediately corrals her and trots her off to 
Germany. 

Fred. Trots her off to Germany ; that's a long trot. But 
you mustn't mind mother. I suppose she considers Germany 
her guest, having invited him here, and that it is Dolly's duty 
to help entertain him. 

Geo. But what about my entertainment ? Am I not a 
guest also ? 

Fred. Certainly. But I suppose she thinks that is up 
to me. 

Geo. But why should she avoid me in the day time, when 
the Dutchman is away ? 

Fred. Now look here, Carothers, if you are trying to un- 
derstand the workings of a woman's mind, you are endeavoring 
to solve the one problem in this world that never has been 
solved. A woman's mind is like a conundrum ; you guess the 
answer and — you're wrong. I don't know why she should 
avoid you any more than you do. Maybe you look like some- 
body she loved once, or something like that. 

Geo. {anxiously'). H-h-has she — has she ever loved? 

Fred. Great Scott, I don't know ! Suppose we go and get 
some breakfast. Perhaps we will feel better. 

\_Exeunt both, R. i e. 

Enter Hans, stairway L. 

Hans {walking slowly and with great difficulty, stopping 
suddenly and clutching his leg). Ach himmel ! Dose horse- 
back ridings vill of me an invalid yet make, yes. If dot feller 
makes for anodder ride go, by golly I'll kill somepody ! I 
vonder don't nopody vas up yet. I vas so hungry I a pain haf 
got. ( Walks a few steps and then stops again.^ Donner und 



26 THE PRIVATE TUTOR 

Blitzen ! Dose ridings, dose ridings; dey vill kill me yet. 
Maybe on der outdside iss somepody, yes? 

(^Exit French window R. Just as he leaves Mr. S. enters 
stairway L.) 

Mr. S. Good-morning, count. Humph ! Didn't hear 
me. {Looks at his watch.') Half-past nine and nobody seems 
to be up yet. I declare this family of mine is growing lazier 
every day. I wonder where the count was going. 1 don't 
altogether like the looks of that fellow. He may be all right, 
but — I haven't any too much confidence in Fred, either. That 
private tutor story of his sounded pretty good the day he told 
it to me, but the more I see of that Dutchman and the more I 
hear him talk, the more I am inclined to be a little bit suspicious 
of that story. The fellow talks and acts more like a butcher 
than the count Fred claims him to be. I think I will do a lit- 
tle quiet investigating. (^Enter Rich., stairway L.) Good- 
morning, Richard. 

Rich. Good-morning, sir. 

Mr. S. What have you there ? 

Rich. The morning papers, sir. 

Mr. S. Give me one. 

Rich. Yes, sir. 

(Hands Mr. S. paper. False start to R.) 

Mr. S. Richard ! 

Rich, (stopping and turning). Yes, sir. 

Mr. S. Have you seen anything of Fred this morning? 
Is he up yet ? 

Rich. Yes, sir. 

Mr. S. Good ! Tell him I want to see him. 

Rich. Yes, sir. [Exit, R. i E. 

Mr. S. (unfolding his paper and watching'^iQM-. exit). By 
Jove, it's worth while owning an oil well when it enables a man 
to have an ornament like that in the house. That fellow has 
more style about him in a minute than Maria can put on in a 
month. Oh, Lord, I said it again ! I never will get used to 
Marie. It's a good thing she didn't hear me. 

Enter Fred, r. i e. 

Fred. Good-morning, dad. 

Mr. S. Good-morning, Fred. 

Fred. Richard said you wished to see me. 



THE PRIVATE TUTOR I"] 

Mr. S. Yes, but I hardly expected to. You are late getting 
started this morning. 

Fred. Getting started ? I don't 

Mr. S. On your horseback ride. You are usually gone 
when I get up. 

Fred. Yes, sir. (^Aside.') Now what the deuce is he 
driving at ? 

Mr. S. Perhaps you are not going to-day, 

Fred. Oh, yes, yes. We — we go every day. 

Mr. S. So I've observed. 

Fred (aside). I don't think I am going to enjoy this con- 
versation at all. 

Mr. S. You must have cultivated quite a taste for riding 
while you were away at school. You didn't use to like to 
ride. 

Fred. I don't yet ; that is, not particularly. You see, dad, 
the fact is 

Mr. S. That's what I'm after; facts. 

Fred (aside). I knew I wasn't going to enjoy this conver- 
sation. 

Mr. S. Perhaps Professor Smith is fond of riding. 

Fred (tvith emphasis). I should say not. 

Mr. S. You both seem to spend a good deal of time at it. 

Fred. Well, you see, dad, I don't mean that he dislikes to 
ride exactly, but he isn't what you would call infatuated with 
it. 

Mr. S. Well, if he isn't fond of riding and you don't like 
it, why the devil do you do it ? It's a great way to spend a 
vacation after you have been away from the family for eight 
months. 

Fred. Well, you see, dad, I've been studying hard lately 
and riding is very good exercise. Then, there's another 
reason. 

Mr. S. And what is that ? 

Fred. As I told you, I am behind in my studies and have 
a lot to catch up before I go back to school. So every day I 
take my books with me and when we get out into the country I 
work hard all day. (Aside.) That ought to melt his heart. 

Mr. S. Why don't you study at home? You don't have 
to leave the house to do that. 

Fred. Yes I do. You see, mother has taken a great fancy 
to the count; I don't know why, but she has. And the min- 
ute she discovers he is in the house she takes him out driving 



28 Tin-; PRIVATE TUTOR 

with Dolly, or off to the matinee with Dolly, or to somebody's 
pink tea with Dolly, and leaves me without my tutor. Not 

having my tutor, naturally I can't toot (Mr. S. starts.') 

I mean work. 

Mr. S. I think I understand your mother's attitude. 
Didn't you say your tutor was a German count? 

Fred. Yes, sir. 

Mr. S. Well, you know how anxious your mother is to 
break into society. I suppose she thinks it will make quite an 
impression to be seen leading a member of the German nobility 
around at all the social functions you just mentioned. 

Fred. By Jove, dad, you're right ! {Laughs.) And I've 
been telling her all about his castle on the Rhine and his im- 
mense fortune and all that. {Laughs.) That's the best joke 
on mother. {Laughs heartily.) 

Mr. S. a joke on your mother ! What do you mean, sir ? 

Fred {aside). Oh, good, kind lightning, strike me. 

Mr. S. Kindly explain, sir. 

Fred. Why, you see, dad — don't you see the joke — why 
anybody can see what a joke it is. {Aside.) I wish I could. 

Mr. S. I fail to see any joke at all, sir, and 1 demand an 
explanation of your hilarity. 

Fred. Why, you see, mother, she, that is, mother you know, 
she wants to show him off, and all unconscious of it, I've been 
keeping him hidden in the woods. Good joke, isn't it? 
{Laughs weakly ; aside.) That was a close call. 

Mr. S. Oh, I see what you mean. It is a good joke. But 
to get back to the subject : how are you getting along with 
your studies? 

Fred. Very well. {Quickly.) Father, have you had your 
breakfast ? 

Mr. S. No, but I must; it is growing late. I should have 
been at the office two hours ago. {Starts out R.) Tell Pro- 
fessor Smith I want to see him before you leave this morning. 

Fred. Y-y-yes, sir. 

Mr. S. I want to see how he thinks you are getting along. 
Is your friend Carothers studying now, also? 

Fred. Oh, yes. He — he slays at home when I go out. 
We — we keep a|)art, because we are not so likely to interrupt 
our studies by talking. 

Mr. S. I see. It's a good idea and I am glad you are 
working so hard. Don't forget to send Professor Smith in. 

[Exit, R. I E, 



THE PRIVATE TUTOR 29 

Fred. It's no use. I've lied until I can no longer tell 
the truth, and so far I have succeeded in keeping them apart, 
but the moment dad gets hold of Germany the game is up. 
That Dutchman thinks psychoh^gy is a new drink and political 
economy the name of a race horse. Perhaps George can help 
me out. 

Enter Hans, French window, r. 

Hans. On der oudtside iss nopody ; on der inside iss no- 
pody. I vonder vere iss everypody ? 

Fred. Ah, there you are, Germany ! So you are up at 
last, are you ? I thought you were going to sleep all day. 

Hans. Schleep ! How can a man schleep yet, ven he so 
sore iss dot he can nodt turn ofer ? 

Frkd. So you're feeling a little stiff, eh? Another ride or 
two will limber you up. 

Hans. Anodder ridings vill kill me. 

Fred. Now, Germany, it is most ungrateful of you to talk 
that way after all the pains I've taken to entertain you. 

Hans. Pains ? 

Fred. Yes. 

Hans. You took pains ? 

Fred. That's what I said. 

Hans. You didn't took many ; I godt der most of dem. 

Fred. Well, Germany, if you are ready, the governor 
wants to see you for a minute and then we'll start, 

Hans. Start ? Vere ? 

Fred. Out to the country. 

Hans. Mitoudt breakfast ? 

Fred. Haven't you had your breakfast? Well, you can 
get that along the road somewhere. A little ride before break- 
fast will give you an appetite. Come along. 

(Seizes Hans' arm; Hans draws back.) 

Hans. Ride, did you say? 

Fred. Sure. R-i-d-e, ride. We are late now ; hurry up. 

Hans. Riding on horses? 

Fred. Of course; the same as we do every day. 

Hans. On horseback ridings I vill go again nodt. 

Fred. What's that? 

Hans. I vill nodt do ut. Dose ridings vill kill me. 



30 



THE PRIVATE TUTOR 



Fred. Oh, come now, Germany, don't be foolish; it won't 
hurt you ; we simply must go. 

Hans. I vill nodt do ut. 

Fked {aside). Oh, here's a lovely mess ! I guess dad 
won't have any difficulty getting an interview before we leave 
this morning. {To Hans, taking his arm again.) Come on, 
Germany, don't be mean ; that's a good fellow. 

Hans. I vill nodt ! 

Fred. I'll give you another dollar a day, think of that; 
twelve dollars a day. 

Hans. For a dhousand dollars a day I vill ride again nodt. 

Fred {growing angry). Now see here, Germany, you've 
got to go ! 

Hans {also angry). Den I vill go und I vill stay also. 
Vere iss my trombone und my clothes ? 

Fred {soothingly). There, there, old man, don't get 
excited. 

Hans. Vere iss my clothes ? Gife me my clothes ! I vant 
my clothes ! {Starts to take off his coat.) 

Fred {aside). Talk about getting an education under diffi- 
culties ! {To Hans.) Come now, Germany, I was only 
joking. {Helps him put his coat on.) 

Hans. I vant my clothes und I vant my trombone. In 
dhis house for anodder minute vill I stay nodt. Id iss nod- 
ding but ridings, ridings, ridings, all der time. I vill nodt 
do ut ! 

Fred {pleadingly). Now, Germany, if you'll only 

Hans. Vere iss my trombone ? 

Fred {on his knees). Germany, please 

Hans. Vere — iss — my — trombone? {Fred slowly rises to 
his fiet.) I vill ride nodt, und I vill stay nodt, und I vill 
haf my clothes. 

\_Exit French zvindow R. Fred drops into chair L. c. 

Enter Geo., r. i e. 

Geo. Fred, old man, what is the matter? Are you sick? 

Fred {rising quickly). Sick ! Sick ! I wish to heaven I 
were dead ! 

Geo. Why, what in the world is the matter? 

Fred. Oh, nothing; nothing at all. I always behave this 
way after breakfast. 

Geo. Something must have happened. What was it? 

Fred. I wonder how you found it out. 



THH PRIV^'\TE TUTOR 



31 



I don't like the look in your eyes ; tell me what's 



our German friend is gone. 



Simply this 
Gone ! 

Precisely. 
But wasn't he here last night ? 



Did you look in his 



Geo. 
wrong. 

Fred. 

Geo. 

Fred. 

Geo. 
room ? 

Fred. Oh, he hasn't disappeared ; it isn't that bad — 
though I don't see how it could be much worse. He has 
simply grown tired of his job and quit. 

Geo. Quit! What for? 

Fred. He refused to go horseback riding any more and 
when I pressed him a little strongly he exploded. Now, how 
am I going to explain his absence to the governor? I think he 
is just a little bit suspicious as it is. 

Geo. Can't you tell your father that the Dutchman was un- 
expectedly called away ? 

Fred. Oh, yes, I could tell him; but I don't think I could 
convince him. 

Geo. I don't see why not. It is a very common occur- 
rence for a man to be suddenly called away by a telegram. 

Fred. That's no doubt true, but you don't understand. 
You see, just about fifteen minutes ago dad told me he wanted 
an interview with Germany before we went out this morning. 
Now, if I should tell him that Germany has been unexpectedly 
called away he would be suspicious. And beside, there isn't 
a train out of town until four o'clock this afternoon. 

Mr. S. (off stage ; calling). Fred! 

Fred. Oh, Lord, there's dad ! He'll be in here in a min- 
ute and want to see Germany. Carothers, you've got to help 
me. 

Geo. What do you want me to do ? 

Fred. I don't know. What do you want to do ? 

Geo. I want to go home. 

Fred. Oh, talk sense. 

Geo. I'm only emulating you. 

Fred. I must get that fellow back. 

Geo. Where did he go? 

Fred. I don't know. I suppose he went to the station ; 
he has enough of my money to charter a special train. 

Geo. Can't you go after him? 

Fred. I might not find him for a week, and dad will be 
here waiting to interview him. (Suddenly.) I have an idea ! 



32 THE PRIVATE TUTOR 

Geo. What is it? 

Fked. There are some wigs and make-up material in my 
room that I used last year in some amateur theatricals. You 
dress up like Germany, give dad the interview he wants, and 
I'll go in search of the real article. 

Geo. Oh, no, you don't ! 

Fred. It is the only thing to do. 

Geo. Why doiVt you dress up ? 

Fred. Wouldn't you rather dress up than chase all over 
the country, trying to persuade Germany to come back? For 
my sake, George. It will be only for a little while; just until 
I can find Germany. 

Geo. Fred, I would do a whole lot for you, but this is car- 
rying matters too far. You can stretch friendship a long way, 
but it will finally break. Vou got me into this scrape, and I've 
done all i could to help you out, but this is too much, I re- 
fuse to be a Dutchman for any man ! ^Exif, D. L. 

Fked. Now what am I to do? I don't blame George; I 
wouldn't have done it for him. But I must have some sort of 
a Dutchman for dad to interview. This affair is growing 
serious, and if dad ever discovers the deception the game's up. 
Now that George has deserted me I don't know what to do. I 
ought to be out trying to locate Germany and persuade him to 
come back, but instead of that I must stay here and face the 
music. (Enfer Dolly, stairway l., sobbing, her face in her 
hands. Fred turns.) Why, what is the matter, sis? 

Dolly. N-n-nothing. 

Fred. Oh, come now, you wouldn't cry about nothing; I 
know you better than that. Are you in trouble? 

Dolly. Uh huh. 

Fred. Shake ! 

Dolly. A-a-re y-you? 

Fred. Not yet, but I expect to be. 

Dolly. W-w-what d-does she w-want_y<7« to do? 

Fred. Who ? 

Dolly. M- mother. 

Fred. I don't know. You see, I haven't seen her yet this 
morning; I have been so busy with dad. 

Dolly. I expect she w-will want you to m- marry the 
c-cook. 

Fred. Marry the ! {One step back.) Say, Dolly, 

what's the matter with you ? 

Dolly. N-nothing. 



THE PRIVATE TUTOR 33 

Fred. It seems to lue you can raise an awful disturbance 
about nothing. You are just like dad, that way. (Dolly sobs 
anew.) There, tliere, sis, i didn't mean that. {^Puts his arm 
about her shoulder.') Tell me, what is the trouble? 

Dolly. VVIiy, mother — she — mother — mother 

Fred. Yes, mother ? 

Dolly. She — she wants — she — she wants me 

Fred. Just like dad ; always wanting something. 

Dolly. Oh, I can't do it. 

Fred. Well, then, I wouldn't. 

Dolly {looking up). Wouldn't you? 

Fred. Certainly not — whatever it is. 

Dolly. But — but — she says it is best for me. 

Fred. What does she want you to do — get vaccinated? 

Dolly, If she compels me to do it I will commit suicide. 

\_Exit, K. I E. 

Fred. Girls are the limit. She says she won't do it, 
but I'll be hanged if I can find out what she is talking 
about. (^Faces L.) 

Enter Rich., r. i e. 

Rich. Mr. Fred. 

Fred (turning). Here's more trouble coming, I'll bet. 
What is it, Richard ? 

Rich. Your father told me to tell you, sir, that he would 
like to see Professor Smith in the breakfast room, sir. 

Fred, He v.'ould ? 

Rich. Yes, sir. 

Fred. So would I — or in any other room. [To Rich.) 
You may say to father that Professor Smith is dressing at this 
moment, but that he will see father in the breakfast room in a 
very {t\v minutes. 

Rich. Yes, sir. \_Exit, r. i e. 

Fred. It is up to me. I'll have to impersonate the Dutch- 
man myself until dad gets that interview he seems so anxious 
for ; there's no other way. [^Exit stairway, L. 

Enter Geo., d. l. 

Geo. (is made up to represent Hans as nearly as possible). 
I don't know whether I look more like a German or an im- 
pressionah'stic painting. My knowledge of the art of make-up 
is somewhat limited. Poor Fred, he looked so wobegone when 



34 



THE PRIVATE TUTOR 



I refused to help him out that after thinking it over 1 have de- 
cided to make a stagger at it. There is no telling what may 
happen, but I feel that 1 ouglit to try to help him. One thing 
is certain ; if I get out of this scrape alive I will never tell 
another lie as long as I live. {Sound of footsteps. ~) Here 
comes Mr. Spencer for his interview. 

{Stands down L., with his back to R.) 
Enter Mrs. S., r. i e. 

Mrs. S. Good-morning, count. 

Geo. {turning). Great Scott, it's Mrs. Spencer ! 

Mrs. S. I have been looking for you. 

Geo. Iss dot so? 

Mrs. S. Yes. I want to have a little talk with you. 
Won't you sit down? 

Geo. {aside). There's no escape. {To her.) Dank you. 

Mrs. S. {sitting r, of table v.., and Geo. l. of table). I 
trust you are having a pleasant visit, count? 

Geo. {aside). What shall I do ? I can't talk like that 
Dutchman. 

Mrs. S. I beg your pardon ? 

Geo. I said, yes, dank you, I vos hafing a fine dime. 

Mrs. S. I am so glad to hear it. I was afraid that in com- 
parison with the social life in Europe you would find this 
neighborhood very quiet, 

Geo. {aside). Quiet ! {To her.) Dis blace — und — dis 
blace is von lofely blace. 1 haf had von lofely dime r-ridiug 
around der beautiful country. 

Mrs. S. Are you fond of riding, count ? 

Geo. {forgetting). No. 

Mrs. S. Then why does Fred take you out so much? 

Geo. {aside). Oh, Lord, I forgot! {To her.) Oxcoose, 
blease. Your language makes for me von confusion mixup, 
von — vot you call id — von scrambled eggs. Ven I say no, den 
iss id I mean yes, aind id ? 

Mrs. S. {aside). What a drol] man the count is. {To 
him.) My dear count, I understand you perfectly. But I 
regret that you find so litUe attraction here at home. Dorothy 
and I would be delighted to see more of you. 
Geo. Iss dot so ? 

Mrs. S. Yes. Dorothy has often expressed her regret at 
not being able to see you oftener. 



THE PRIVATE TUTOR 35 

Geo. Den vill I nefermore go riding again yedt. 

Mrs. S. It is very kind of you to say that, count, but I 
wouldn't for the world deprive you of your riding when you 
enjoy it so much. 

Geo. I vould radder see Miss Dorothy dan ride any day. 

Mrs. S. Pardon my question, count, but — I believe you 
are a single man ? 

Geo. Yah. 

Mrs. S. Have you ever thought of marrying ? 

Geo. Yah. My fadder vos a married man, und my grand- 
fadder also. Id runs in der family. 

Mrs. S. I wonder that you have remained single so long. 

Geo. Veil, you see, I vos nefer in lofe but vonce, und den 
anodder man cut me oudt. 

Mrs. S. Was he an American ? 

Geo. No, a German. Dot vos before der day of American 
monopoly. 

Mrs. S. It seems incredible to me that any girl would re- 
fuse you. I know of one who would be only too glad to accept 
you. 

Geo. Iss dot so ? Who vos dot ? 

Mrs. S. My daughter, Dorothy. 

Geo. (^forgetting himself and jumping up). The deuce ! 
(^Suddenly remembers.) Oxcoose, blease. You haf give me 
such a joyfulness in my heart in, 1 get a excitement. 

Mrs. S. You astound me, count. I did not think you had 
even deigned to notice her. 

Geo. Ach, yah. I haf notice her ; I haf dink of nopody 
else ; I haf dream aboudt her. 

Mrs. S. But you have paid her no attention whatever. 

Geo. Because I haf nodt consider-r myself — vot iss id ? — 
vorthless of her. She iss von distant star, beautiful, but im- 
possible. 

Mrs. S. My dear count, you are mistaken. Dorothy is not 
impossible for you at all, and I believe you to be perfectly 
worthy of her. Do you love her ? 

Geo. Lofe her 1 Ach Himmel, I crystallize her. (Aside.) 
That's the first time I've told the truth for a week. 

Mrs. S. My dear count, I am overjoyed. Nothing would 
make me happier than to see you two united. You have my 
full consent and my blessing. 

Geo. Dank you. 

Mrs. S. Dorothy will be delighted when I tell her wliat 



36 THE PRIVATE TUTOR 

you have said. I will send her to you. Do not be afraid to 
speak ; I will see that no one interrupts. [^Exi^, R. i E. 

Geo. Well ! That explains why Dolly had no time to 
entertain me ; she is stuck on that Dutchman. I wouldn't 
have believed it possible, but there is no accounting for a 
woman's taste. {^Efiter Dolly, r. i e., with an air of deep 
dejection. Geo. starts toward her.') My darling ! 

Dolly. Stop ! Please remember, Mr. Smith, that no 
sentimental consideration whatever enters into this contract. 

Geo. Don't you lofe me? 

Dolly. Love you ! {Laughs.') 

Geo. Vy, your mudder said 

Dolly. Mr. Smith, you may have misunderstood my 
mother, or my mother may have misunderstood me, but I tell 
you plainly that I do not love you. 

Geo. Den vy vill you marry him — I mean me ? 

Dolly. Because my mother thinks it is best. I feel that I 
could never be happy with you, but she says I am too young 
to know my own mind. 

Geo. Den you don't lofe me? 

Dolly. The idea is absurd. 

Geo. (suddenly). Do you lofe anodder ? 

Dolly. I feel that since I can be nothing else, I must at 
least be honest with you. 1 do. 

Geo. You lofe anodder ! Ach Himmel ! (Suddenly.) I 
vill kill dot man ! 

Dolly. Mr. Smith, pray calm yourself. To kill him would 
do you no good. I have consented to marry you (breaking 
into tears), and I will never see him again. 

Geo. Who iss dot man ? I haf a r-right to know. 

Dolly. Mr. Carothers. 

Geo. (exhibiting signs of extreme pleasure). Mr. Crud- 
ders ! Oh, Mr. Crudders ! Dorothy ! 

Dolly. Well ? 

Geo. You have been very brave und very noble to tell me 
der truth. Now I vill make for you a bromise. If you vill 
marry tne I don't care how much you lofe Mr. Crudders. 

Dolly. Why, Mr. Smith ! (Astounded.) 

Geo. Oh, I am a very gener-r-rous man. 

Dolly. Mr. Smith, you have been very kind and while I 
do not and never can love you, I shall always respect you. 
AVill you excuse me? [^Exit, v.. 1 e. 

Geo. Hang that old cat ! Oh ! To think that she would 



THE PRIVATE TUTOR 37 

force Dorothy against her will into a union with a man like 
that Dutchman ! I will put an end to that funny business 
mighty quick. It was a lucky thing for Dorothy and me that 
the interview was held with me instead of with the real Ger- 
man. And to think that she loves me ! I never dreamed it 
possible. 

Mr. S, {offstage; calling). Fred! 

Geo. There's Mr. Spencer calling. He hasn't had his 
interview yet. I think 1 will let somebody else give it to him. 
Two interviews to-day are all I want; I don't think I could 
stand any more revelations. \_Exit, D. l. 

Enter Fred, stairway L., made up to represent Hans as 
tiearly as possible. 

Fred. This impersonating somebody else is not all it is 
cracked up to be. 1 have spent the last half hour fixing myself 
up and I resemble my esteemed tutor about as much as he re- 
sembles Adonis. It was a mean trick of George to refuse to 
do this for me. I might have had Germany back by this time, 
but he has secured such a start now that I don't suppose I will 
ever see him again. 

Mr. S. {off stage ; calling). Fred! 

Fred. Oh, there's dad; I would know his voice anyplace. 
(Starts toward K. i e., hesitates and then stops.) I think I 
will wait until he sends for me again. \_Exit, stairway L. 

Enter Mr. S., r. i e., followed by Rich, 

Mr. S. Richard, tell Fred that I want to see Professor 
Smith at once. Fred told me half an hour ago that the pro- 
fei;sor was dressing. Tell Fred I want to see Professor Smith 
now — do you hear — now ! I don't care whether lie is dressed 
or not. 

Rich. Yes, sir. [^Exit, stairtvay i,. 

Mr. S. {^pacing about). It is a strange thing if a man can't 
be master in his own house. I have been trying to get an in- 
terview with that tutor of Fred's ever since I got up this morn- 
ing, and all I have succeeded in securing so far is promises. I 
have made up my mind that this fooling must stop. I will see 
that man or know the reason why. He may be dressing, but 
I doubt it. He may be Fred's tutor, but I am a little inclined 
to doubt that also. {Stands up stage l. c.) 



38 THE PRIVATE TUTOR 

E7iier Rich., stairway l. 

Rich. I couldn't find Mr. Fred, sir, but here is Professor 
Smith. {Siands next to Mr. S., ofi r.) 

Enter Fred, stairway l. He stands R. 0/ Rich. 

Fred. You vant to see me ? Yes ? 

Mr. S. I certainly do, sir; I have wanted to see you for 
some time. There are several questions I want to ask you. 

Enter Geo., d. l., ««// Mrs. S., (zW Dolly, r. i e. 

Geo. You vant to see me ? Yes ? 
Mr. S. What ! Another ! 

Enter Hans, French window R. 

Hans. I vant my trombone und I vant my clothes ! 
Mr. S. Three of them ! {Falls into RiCH.'s arms.) 
Dolly. Mother, must I marry all of these? 

(Falls into her mother's arms.) 



CURTAIN 



ACT III 

SCENE.— 77/<f same. 

(Mrs. S. discovered seated r. of table ts.., sewing. Mr. S. 
seated l. of table, holding newspaper upside down and 
turning it over nervously.) 

Mr. S. (suddenly). Maria ! 

Mrs. S. {startled). John ! 

Mk. S. Marie, my dear; I meant to say Marie. 

Mks. S. VVhat is the matter? You seem all upset. 

Mr. S. There is something wrong with my nerves. I have 
been trying to read this paper for the last ten minutes, and I 
can't make head nor tail of it. 

Mrs. S. No wonder; you are holding it upside down. 

Mr. S. (looking at paper). Ami? It is a good illustration 
of my condition of mind. 

Mks. S. Is your mind disturbed? 

Mr. S. Tell me, how many of those Germans did you see? 

Mrs. S. Three. 

Mr. S. You saw three ? 

Mrs. S. Yes. 

Mr. S, (with a sigh of relief). Ah, you relieve me. 

Mrs. S. (severely). John, have you been drinking ? 

Mr. S. I never drank a drop in my life; you know that. 
But if I see those three Germans a second time I shall begin. 

Mrs. S. I wonder what it all means. 

Mr. S. Oh, it's some new deviltry of Fred's. He's always 
up to something. 

Mrs. S. Perhaps he meant it for a joke. 

Mr. S. No, he didn't mean it for a joke. Fred never plays 
any jokes that he is obliged to explain afterward, and he will 
surely have to explain this — if he can. 

Mrs. S. Then what do you think it does mean ? 

Mr. S. I think that the appearance of three Germans at the 
same time was an accident, and anything but what Fred 
desired. 

Mrs. S. Where did the other two come from ? 

Mr. S. I don't know, but I intend to find out. There is 

39 



40 THE PRIVATE TUTOR 

something mighty suspicious about that private tutor story of 
Fred's ; I have not had much confidence in it ever since I saw 
the tutor, and one or two things have happened lately that have 
increased my doubts. 

Mrs. S. You don't think 

Mr. S. I don't think the man is what Fred repiTsents him 
to be. 

Mrs. S. You think he is not a count? 

Mr. S. I don't think anything about that. I don't care 
whether he is a count or not. 

Mrs. S. Then what are you suspicious of? 

Mr. S. That private tutor story. I believe Fred told me 
that in order to conceal something else, and what that some- 
thing else is I intend to find out. {Disgustedly.') Private 
tutor ! Why, that Dutchman doesn't know the difference be- 
tween a cow and a can of condensed milk. 

Mrs. S. 1 think you do him an injustice, John. I have 
found him quite engaging in conversation, and he is an excel- 
lent horseman. 

Mr. S. There is another story I don't believe. Fred told 
me this morning that the reason they have been away from 
home every day for the last week is that they go into the coun- 
try to study. Imagine Fred studying that hard. 

Mrs. S. Did Fred tell you that ? 

Mr. S. Yes. If it is the truth, it is more work than he has 
done in all his life before. 

Mrs. S. That is not what he told me. 

Mr. S. It isn't? 

Mrs. S. No. He told me the reason they rode every day 
was that the count was passionately fond of riding. 

Enter Fred, stairway L. He walks to c, suddenly discovers 
his parents and starts to tiptoe out D. L., taking long 
strides, very cautiously. 

Mr. S. Ah, ha ! His stories don't agree, you see. I 
thought there Avas something wrong ; now I am convmced of 
it. (^Discovers Fred.) Fred ! 

Fred [stopping and turning). Hello, dad ; I didn't know 
you were here. 

Mr. S. What are you doing? 

Fred. I was — I was — ^just measuring the room for a new 
carpet ; this one looks so shabby. 

Mrs. S. Shabby ! This carpet is only a month old. 



THli PRIVATE TUTOR 4 1 

Fked. Is that so ? There must be something the luatler 
witli iny eyes. Excuse me; I didn't mean to interrupt. 

(^False start to d. l.) 

Mr. S. One moment, sir. 

Fred (^stopping). Yes, sir. 

Mr. S. I want to have a little talk with you. Sit down. 

Fred. Yes, sir. {Sits l. c.) 

Mk. S. About fifteen minutes ago, in response to my de- 
mand for an interview with your tutor, three Germans appeared, 
together. 

Fred. They did ? 

Mi^. S. Yes, they did. Can you explain it? 

Fred. Yes, sir. {Aside.) I can explain anything. 

Mr. S. I am wailing. 

Fred. Well, you see, dad, it v/as this way. You see — you 



see 



Mr. S. But I don't see. 

Fred. No, but you see — vou see, dad, it was a bet. 

Mr. S. a bet ? 

Fred. Yes, sir. I was one of those Germans. 

m!^s. S. } i^'^S'^^''^'')- '^'o*^ ^^^^""^ ■* 

Fred. Yes. Funny, wasn't it? You see, it was this way : 
I bet Carothers that I could make myself up to look more like 
Mr. Smith than he could. He bet me I couldn't. SoweboLli 
ma^ie up and came in with Mr. Smith to have you decide. 
Wliich of us won? 

Mr. S. I don't know. But 1 do know which was the real 
article. 

Fred. You do? Which one was it? 

Mr. S. The one who wanted his trombone and his clothes. 

Fred (aside, looking l.). I wish George were here. 

Mrs. S. Fred, what did he mean by that? It is a most 
unusual remark for a German count to make. 

Fred. Yes, that's the reason he made it. 

Mrs. S. I don't understand you. 

Fred. Why, you see, mother, we arranged with him to say 
that when he appeared so that you would think it was not he — 
and that would — mix you up in deciding the bet. 

Mr. S. But it didn't. 

Fred. No, it didn't. Is that all? {Rises.) 

Mr. S. No, there is something else. 



42 THE PRIVATE TUTOR 

Fred (aside ; looking l.). 1 wonder where George is. 

Mk. S. You told me this morning that the reason you went 
riding every day was that you coukl study better away frciu 
the house. 

Fred. Yes, that is the reason. 

Mrs. S. And you told me that you went because the cour.i 
liked to ride. 

Fred. D-d-did I ? 

Mrs. S. You certainly did. 

Fred {after a short thoughtful pause'). Well, that's right. 
You see, the count wanted to ride and I wanted to stud}-, so 
we combnied business with pleasure, and there you are. 

Enter Geo., d. l. 

Geo. Fred, I wisli you would come out and quiet Ger- 
many. He is raising Cain because you haven't paid him his 
eleven dollars to-day. (Fred looks at his parents aftd theti at 
Geo. significantly.) Oh, I've done it now. 

Fred. Ail right, George, I will attend to hiiu. 

\_Exit, d. l. 

Mrs. S. Mr. Carothers, did I understand you to say that 
Fred owed the count eleven dollars ? 

Geo. (nervously). Yes, ma'am. 

Mrs. S. I don't see why he is obliged to go into debt. 
His father gives him all the money he asks for. 

Mr. S. And that's no small amount. 

Geo. Oh, it is very simple. You see, Mr. Smith piuchased 
some text-books for Fred yesterday. That's all. 

Mrs. S. But you said the count was ''raising Cain " about 
the money. 1 don't see why he should be so anxious for piiy- 
ment of such a small sum, for Fred says he is very wealthy. 

Geo. Oh, well, when I said he was raising Cain that was 
simply a figure of speech. He merely inquired about it; that's 
all. 

Mr. S. Oh, that's different. 

Geo. I hope you will pardon my breaking in upon you. I 
didn't knovv you were here or I would not have interrupted. 

Mr. S. That's all right; you don't interrupt. We were 
just talking about the appearance of those three Germans a few 
minutes ago. 

Geo. (one or tzvo steps to L., tiervously). Oh, yes. 

Mr. S. Great joke, wasn't it? 

Geo. (laughing weakly). Yes, wasn't it ? 



THE PRIVATE TUTOR 43 

Mr. S. I have a great curiosity to know how you managed 
to have ihem all look just ahke. 

Geo. Didn't Fred tell you? Well, then, I will explain it to 
you. You see, Mr. Smith has two cousins and they all look 
as much alike as three peas. Now, these cousins were visiting 
Mr. Smith this morning and we were all out in the billiard 
room when you sent word that you wanted to see Mr. Smith. 
I thought it would be a good joke to send the three of them in 
at once, and that is how it happened. 

Mr. S. Oh, f/ia^ is how it happened ? 

Geo. Yes, Great joke, wasn't it? (Laughs.) 

Mr. S. It certainly was, though I haven't decided yet 
whom the joke is on. But I won't detain you any longer; I 
know you are anxious to get back to Fred. 

Geo. {starting). Thank you. 

Mr. S. By the way, Mr. Carothers, you might explain to 
Fred how it happened. {Chuckles.) 

Geo. All right, sir ; I will. \_Exit, d. l. 

Mr. S. If that young man were not a guest in this house I 
would tell him a few things that would open his eyes. I sup- 
pose he thinks he is helping Fred out, but they ought to com- 
pare notes before they start to lie like that. 

Mrs. S. It is very mysterious. 

Mr. S. Not at all, my dear. It is as plain as a convention 
of school teachers. That German is no more a private tutor 
to those boys than I am, and what he really is I intend to learn 
within the next hour. \Stafts out r. i e. 

Mrs. S, John, where are you going? 

Mr. S. To get a drink. \^Exit, r. i e. 

Mrs. S. John ! John ! \Exit, r. i e. 

Enter Geo., d. l. 

Geo. I wonder what has become of Fred ? He is not in 
the billiard room. 

Enter Fred, stairrvay L. 

Fred. Say, I want to see you ! 

Geo. And I want to see you. Look here, Fred, this busi- 
ness has gone far enough. 

Fred. Too far to suit me. 

Geo. I have lied to your father and mother until I am 
ashamed to look them in the face. I have dressed myself up 



44 THE PRIVATE TUTOR 

in such ridiculous garments that I had to be introduced to 
myself. I don't mind that; I was trying to get you out of this 
scrape. But now matters have come to the point where your 
sister is seriously concerned and this thing has got to stop. 

Fked. My sister ! What do you mean, George? 

Geo. After I refused to play the Dutchman for you I re- 
considered the matter, and in order to help you out made 
myself up and came in here so your father could interview me. 
Instead of your father, your mother appeared and, thinking I 
was Germany, tried to arrange a match with Dorothy. 

Fred. Great Scott ! 

Geo. Fortunately, Germany doesn't know anything about 
it. Now, listen to me : either you go to your father and make 
a clean breast of the whole business — or I do. 

Fred. But, George, it is impossible. Think what I have 
at stake. 

Geo. Think of your sister. Think of the danger that 
threatens her. And, Fred, old man, while you are at it, you 
might think a little bit about me, too, because — well, I — you 
see — ever since the day I first saw your sister — well, I 

Fred. George ! Is it possible? 

Geo. Worse than that ; it is actual, 

Fred {taking Geo. 's hand). That is the best news I ever 
heard, old man. What does she say? 

Geo. Well, you see, when 1 was trying to court her I was 
a Dutchman. 

Fred. Then you haven't spoken to her? 

Geo. Not directly. But she dropped a remark or two that 
encourages me a Itttle. 

Fred. Go in and win, old man. She will have you — she's 
got to have you ; I'll make her. You are the one man I would 
want to have her. 

Geo. Thank you. But vv^hat do you think your father will 
say? 

Fred. Leave that to me. I will explain it to dad. You 
know I can explain anything to him. You should have heard 
me explaining those three Germans to him. 

Geo. Did he ask you about them ? 

Fred, Yes, and mother asked what he overlooked, 

Geo. W-w-what did you tell him? 

Fred. I told him that it was done to decide a bet between 
you and me as to which of us could make up to look most like 
Germany, and that we were the other two Dutchmen. 



THE PRIVATE TUTOR 45 

Geo. You lold him that? 

Fred. Yes; pretty clever, wasn't it? 

Geo. Oh, yes. But, you see, he asked me how it happened, 
and / told him that the other two were cousins of Germany 
who had come to visit him. 

Fred {sitting down slorvly and looking at Geo. for a tnin- 
ute ; then rising). Let's go and get a drink. 

Geo. Just a moment, please. Are you going to confess to 
your father — or must 1? This can't go on, Fred. Your 
mother is liable to get hold of Germany at any time, and then 
think what might happen. 

Fred {i-eltictantly). I'll tell him. 

Geo. When ? 

Fred. Oh, you're so sudden ! Give me a half hour. 

Geo. It will be harder to do in a half hour than it is now. 

Fred. Well, fifteen minutes, then. 

Geo. No, tell him now. 

Fred. But something might turn up in fifteen minutes to 
get us out of this. 

Geo. Very well, I will give you fifteen minutes, but no 
longer than that. Remember, no longer. 

\Exit, French window R. 

Fred {going to table r., and picking up newspaper). I 
wonder why people ever read dime novels. If they want gen- 
uine excitement with plenty of action they ought to get a pri- 
vate tutor. {Looks at paper.) Great Guns! {Reads.) 
"Mysterious Disappearance! Leader of little German band 
suddenly disappears, and foul play is strongly suspected." I 
wonder if dad has seen that? {Reads.) " The members of a 
little German band that has recently been playing in and about 
Clearfield have reported to the police the disappearance of 
their leader. According to their story he was last seen to enter 
the rooms of one of Clearfield's most prominent young men 
seven days ago, and a thorough search from that time until 
yesterday, when the matter was reported to the police, has 
failed to reveal any trace of his subsequent movements or pres- 
ent whereabouts. The sudden disappearance of the young man, 
together with an intimate friend, at the time the German dis- 
appeared, gives rise to dark suspicions. Detectives are now 
working on the case." 

(Fred stands l. c, facing front, gasping.) 
Enter Geo., French window r., suddenly, a paper in his hand. 



46 THE PRIV^ATF. TUTOR 

Geo. Have you seen this morning's paper? 

Fked (^jumping and coming down facing u., the paper held 
behind hini). If you come inlo my presence again without 
knocking 1 — I won't let you marry my sister. You frightened 
me half to death. Yes, I've seen the paper. (^Holds it out?) 
- Geo. Oh, why did we ever go to that 

Fred. George! Don't you ever say " prize-fight " again. 

Geo. What are we going to do? 

Fred. What do you think 1 am — a prophet? I don't know 
one minute what I will be doing the next, any more. 

Geo. If your father sees this article we are lost. 

Fred, He mustn't see it. We will cut it out. {Starts to 
cut a clipping from the paper!) You cut it out of that paper. 

(Geo. does so.) 

Geo. Why not destroy the paper ? 

Fred. Because if dad hasn't read the paper and can't find 
this one, he will buy a new one — and I haven't time to gather 
up the entire morning edition. 

Geo. What shall I do with the paper? 

Fred. Lay it on the table. 

(Geo. places paper on table. Fred stands L. c, and Geo., 
L., both looking at clipping.) 

Enter Mr. S., r. i e. 

Mr. S. I wonder what I did with this morning's paper ? 
(Fred hastily puts clipping in his pocket.) Did you see it, 
Fred ? 

Fred. No, sir. I haven't seen the paper this morning. 

Mr. S. {at table). Ah, here it is. I had not finished read- 
ing it. Oh, look at this. {Holds out paper, showing hole in 
it.) Some one has cut a piece out of the front page, and I 
haven't looked at the front page yet. Where is Richard? 
Tell Richard to get me a new paper. {Crosses to c.) 

Fred. Why, dad, now that I come to think of it, I — I cut 
that piece out of the paper. 

Mr. S. You did? 

Fred, Yes. It was something that wouldn't interest you, 
I am sure. 

Mr, S. What was it? 

Fred. It was — it was — it was — what was it, George? I 
gave it to you. 



THE PRIVATE TUTOR 47 

Geo. Yes, but I gave it back. 

Fred. Oh, yes. (^Takes clipping from his pocket,') It was 
an account of — of — of the Thanksgiving football game. 

Mr. S. What football game ? 

Fred. Why, the game between our college and — and the 
other college. 

Enter Dolly, r. i e. 

Mr. S. Not interested ! Why, ray boy, I used to be a 
great football player myself. Who won the game? 

Fred. Oh, we did. 

Mr. S. Read the account of it. 

Fred {after a short pause, trying to read, facing front 
and nervously wrapping clipping around his finger'). The 
game between — between the two schools was — was a very close 
one. There was plenty of excitement although the — the first 
few innings were slow. The visitors were in good condition, 
while the home team was crippled by the absence of Crothers, 
the right fielder. {^Business of Geo. iinitating football game, 
and trying to attract Fred's attentio?i.) In the — the — in the 
eiglith inning the score was five to one in favor of the visitors, 
but when Johnson went to the bat with two men on bases and 
after fanning twice, knocked the ball so high it hasn't come 
down yet, and scored three runs, it took six pohcemen and a 
stone wall to restrain the joy of the Clearfield rooters. It was 
♦.he greatest 

Mr. S. Just a minute, Fred. You told me that game was 
football, and you are reading the account of a baseball game. 

Fred {after a pause). That's right. You see, nowadays, 
when they play football, they always play a game of baseball 
first to warm up the players. 

Dolly. How did the football game come out, Fred ? 

Fred. Clearfield won. 

Mr. S. Whom did they play? 

Fred {looking at clipping). Yale. 

Dolly. Yale ! Why, no, Fred. Yale played Harvard on 
Thanksgiving. 

Fred (looking at clipping). Oh, yes, yes. It says, "The 
game which Clearfield tried to arrange with Yale had to be 
given up because of Yale's game with Harvard." 

Mr. S. Does it say who did play ? 

Fred. Yes, oh, yes. {Looks at (lipping.) Stanford Uni- 
versity. 



4.8 THE PRIVATE TUTOR 

Mr. S. Do you mean to tell me that the Stanford club 
came all the way from California to Clearfield, over two thou- 
sand miles, to play a game of football? 

Doi.T.Y. Why, Fred, I saw in a California paper yesterday 
that Stanford Iiad played and defeated a southern California 
team on Thanksgiving. 

Fi^ED (looking at clipping). Yes, here it is. {Reads.^ 
"The Clearfield boys then tried to arrange a game with Stanford 
University, but that also was called off, and a game was ar- 
ranged with the Oshkosh high school." 

Mr. S. Well, the fellow that wrote that account was a scrub 
reporter. Dolly, I wish you would see if you can find me a 
newspaper that isn't all cut up. 

Dolly. Yes, sir. \^Exit, r. i e. 

Mr. S. By the way, Mr. Carothers, how are Mr. Smith's 
cousins ? 

Geo. (jiervoiisly). Quite well, sir. 

Mr. S. Fred, tell Mr. Carothers how those three Germans 
happened to appear at the same time. 

\^Exit, French window R., chuckling. 

Geo. Did you hear that? 

Fred. I was nearer to him than you were, and you heard 
him. 

Geo. Your father is on to us. 

Fred. Why don't you say something that everybody doesn't 
know? Did you hear him tell Dolly to get him another paper? 

Geo. Yes. 

Fred. That shows how much he believed my little story 
about the football game, and the moment he gets that other 
paper, it's good-bye Freddie. I'm going out to hunt a job. 

[Exit, R. I E. 

Geo. (crossifig to r. c). Poor Fred! 

Enter Hans, d. l. 

Hans. Oxcoose, blease. Do you know vere iss der feller 
vot owes me dose elefen dollars? 

Geo. He has just gone to the bank to get it for you. He 
will be back in a few minutes. 

(Walks to French window R., and stops as Mrs. S. enters 
R. I e.) 

Mrs. S. Ah, my dear count. This is the first time I have 
seen vou since our little talk this morning:. 



THE PRIVATE TUTOR 49 

Hans. Since vot, blease? 

Mrs. S. Since our little coiiversaliou after breakfast. Don't 
you remember ? 

Hans (asufi). Dot old vouian iss crazy. (To her.) I 
haf had breakfast to-day nodt, und I haf conversationed nut 
you already yedt to-day nodt. 

Mrs. S. But you saw Dorothy ? 

Hans. Yah. I see her in der garden in. 

Mrs. S. In the garden ? And did you speak to her ? 

Hans. Yah. 

Mrs. S. What did she say ? 

Hans. Goot-morgen. 

Mrs. S. Was that all? 

Hans. Yah. 

Mrs. S. What did you say to her ? 

Hans. Goot-morgen. 

Mrs. S. But what about the marriage ? 

Hans. Marriages? Vot marriages ? 

Mrs. S. Why, you and Dorothy. 

Hans. Me ! Me ! Oxcoose, blease. I am a married 
man. 

Mrs. S. You are married ! Why didn't you tell me so this 
morning ? 

Hans. Vy didn't you ask me, yes ? 

Mks. S. I did, and you said you were nof married. 

Hans {aside). Dot old voman iss crazy. {To her.) I 
don't talk mit you dis morgen ; I don't see you dis morgen 
alreatty until now yedt. Vere iss my trombone ? 

Mrs. S. My dear count, there must be some mistake. 

(Advances toward him.) 

Hans {backing up). Go vay ! Go vay ! Vere iss my 
trombone? For anodder minute I vill stay nodt in a house 
mit robbers und crazy people. Vere iss ray trombone? 

[Exit, D. L. 

Mrs. S, I wonder what in the world is wrong with the 
count. He must have been drinking. \_Exif, R. i E. 

(Geo. comes forward.) 

Geo. I knew this would happen. Whether or not Fred 
confesses to his father I don't care, but I intend to see that 
Dorothy learns the truth. (Siafids L. c.) 



50 THE PRIVATE TUTOR 

Enter Dolly, r. i e. 

Dolly. Mr. Carotheis. 

Geo. {turning). Miss Spencer. 

Dolly. One or two things have happened to-day that 1 
don't altogether understand. 

Geo. Just one or two ? 

Dolly. I wish you would explain 

Geo. Miss Spencer, if there is anything you wish explained 
I would suggest tliat you go to Fred. Explaining is his 
specialty. 

Dolly. It seems to be. But it is some of his explanations 
that I do not understand. Now, for instance, I know as well 
as you do that they don't play baseball games before they play 
football games, in order to warm up the players. Do you know 
why he told father that ? 

Geo. Yes. 

Dolly. You do? Would you mind telling me ? 

Geo. No, I wouldn't mind. In fact, I had decided just 
before you came in that you ought to know. 

Dolly. I am so glad. This house is fairly saturated with 
mystery, and it isn't very pleasant, for I know something must 
be wrong. 

Geo. Will you be seated ? 

Dolly. Thank you. 

{She sits L. of table ; Geo. sits on table.) 

Geo. Miss Spencer — Dorothy — may I call you Dorothy ? 

Dolly. Oh, will you ? 

Geo. I knov/ that after I have said what X am about to say 
you will despise me, and yet I feel that you should know. 

Dolly. What is it ? 

Geo. Simply this. Fred and I have been deceiving your 
father in regard to our private tutor. 

Dolly. Deceiving him ! How? 

Geo. Mr. Smith is not our tutor, but the leader of a little 
German band. His real name is Hans Dinklederfer and not 
Smith. 

Dolly. What ! 

Geo. The truth of the matter is that, on account of a little 
escapade, Fred and I were suspended from school for thirty 
days, on the very day that you, with your father and mother, 



THE PRIVATE TUTOR 5 1 

rame to see Fred. When your father insisted upon learning 
how we were getting along we had to invent the tutor to pro 
tect ourselves, and then when he insisted on seeing him we 
hired the German to play the part. 

Dolly. Then he isn't a count ? 

Geo. No, he is not a count. 

Dolly. Thank you ! I would forgive anything after learn- 
ing that. But why have you told me this? 

Geo. Because I know what your mother has been trying to 
do and I know how you must feel. 

Dolly. Well, Mr. Carothers, as I remember, it was Fred 
who invented the private tutor story, and who also hired the 
German. I can't see where you are to blame. 

Geo. Because I entered into the deception and became a 
part of it. 

Dolly. But it was loyalty to Fred that prompted you, and 
I can't blame you for that. 

Geo. Yes, it was loyalty, but the next time I think I won't 
be quite so loyal. 

Dolly. Let us hope there will not be any next time. 

Geo. I give you my word there won't be. 

Dolly. Honest ? 

Geo. Cross my heart. 

Dolly. Mr. Carothers, I 

Geo. Do you know I have a front name, too ? 

Dolly. It has been very kind of you to tell me this — 
George — and you can never know what a relief it has been to 
me to learn that Mr. Smith is not a count. 

Geo. I V.v\o\\ just exactly how you feel. 

Dolly. You seem very positive. 

Geo. I am. 

Dolly. May I ask why ? 

Geo. Because / was the German you talked with this 
morning. 

Dolly. You were ? 

Geo. Yes. Mr. Smith had disappeared and Fred asked 
me to play the part until he could get Dutchy to come back. 
(Dolly covers her face with her hands.') Dorothy, please for- 
give me. I didn't know what you were going to say or I would 
never have done it. 

Dolly. I forgive you for doing it, but never for allowing 
me to say what I did. 

Geo. Wasn't it true? (Short pause.) Wasn't it? 



52 THE PRIVATE TUTOR 

Dolly. Yes, that's the worst of it. I told you before you 
asked me. 

Geo. Then I ask you now. Do you ? (Dolly 7iods her 
head?) And will you ? (Dolly nods her head again. Enter 
Rich., r. i e.) Dorothy ! 

Rich. Ahem ! Excuse me, JNIiss Dorothy, but your mother 
would like to see you. 

Dolly. Very well, Richard. \^Exit, r. i e. 

Rich. I know it's none of my business, sir, but I couldn't 
help seeing a little bit of what just happened, and 1 want lo say 
that 1 won't tell a soul, sir. 

Geo. Thank you, Richard, thank you. 

Rich. And if you will pardon me, sir, I would like to take 
the liberty of congratulating you, sir. 

Geo. Richard. {Holds out his hand with coin in it.) 
There's my hand. Shake it ! 

Rich. Thank you, sir. {Takes Geo.'s hand and discovers 
coin.) Oh, no, sir, I didn't mean that. I like you, sir, and I 
spoke as man to man. {Hands coin back.) 

Geo. Richard ; shake again. 

Rich. Thank you, sir. 

{Shakes Geo.'s hand and exits r. i e.) 

Geo. Who would have imagined that a butler had a heart? 
Why, that man acted almost like a human being. 

\^Exit, French windotv, R. 

Enter Mr. S., r. i e., with newspaper in his hatid. 

Mr. S. Richard ! 

Enter Rich., r. i e. 

Rich. Yes, sir. 

Mr. S. Tell Fred I want to see him at once. 

Rich. Yes, sir. {False start.) 

Mr. S. And, Richard ! 

Rich, {stopping). Yes, sir. 

Mr. S. Tell Mr. Carothers I want to see him. 

Rich. Yes, sir. {False start.) 

Mr. S. And, Richard ! 

Rich, {stopping). Yes, sir. 

Mr. S. Tell Professor Smith that I want to see him, also. 

Rich. Yes, sir. \^Exit, r. i e. 



THE PRIVATE TUTOR 53 

Mr. S. They always play a game of baseball first to warm 
up the players ! Huraph ! I wonder if Fred really thinks I 
am that easy. I thought at first this affair was only a joke, but 
this item in the paper about a mysterious disappearance looks 
serious. There is no doubt in my mind that Professor Smith 
is the missing German they are looking for and 1 intend to find 
out why Fred has him here. He is no tutor, that's certain. 

Enter Fred, r. i e. 

Fred. Do you want to see me, dad ? 

Mr. S. Yes, but it is nothing particular. I just wanted to 
inquire who recoannended Professor Smith to you as a tutor. 

Fred. Oh ! Why — why — Dr. Moriarty, the president of 
the college. 

Mr. S. Oh ! Dr. Moriarty ? 

Fred. Yes. You see, when we found we could not ma- 
triculate, I asked the Doctor what he thought was the best thing 
to do, and he advised getting a tutor. Then 1 asked him to 
suggest somebody, and Professor Smith being a warm, pei'sonal 
friend of his, he suggested him. 

Mr. S. Oh, I see. 

Fred. Is that all, dad ? 

Mr. S. That is all. 

(Fred crosses to upper l.) 
Enter Geo., r. i e. 

Geo. Richard said you wished to see me, Mr. Spencer. 

Mr. S. Yes, I do. I want to ask you about Professor 
Smith. How did you happen to engage him as a tutor, Mr. 
Carothers? 

(^During the follorving dialogue Fred makes the most frantic 
efforts to attract Geo.'s attention.') 

Geo. How did we happen to engage him ? 

Mr. S. Yes. Where did you hear of him ? 

Geo. I hardly remember. Oh, yes, it was through an ad- 
vertisement. When we found that we could not matriculate 
we hardly knew what to do, because we were so far behind in 
our studies. And one morning as I was looking over the pa- 
per I noticed a little ad. in the want columns which Mr. Smith 
had inserted, offering his services to private pupils. So Fred 
and I went to see him, and that is the way it happened. 



54 THE PRIVATE TUTOR 

Mr. S. So that is the way it happened ? 
Geo. Yes, that was the way. 

Mk. S. That is all, Mr. Carolheis. I was just curious to 
know how you discovered Mr. Smith. 

(Geo. crosses to l., discovers Fred and both exeunt, d. l.) 

Enter Hans, r. i e. 

Hans. Der man mit der brass buttons said you vished to 
see me, yes ? 

Mr. S. I do. How did my son come to hire you, Mr. 
Smith ? 

Hans. Hire me? Forvot? 

Mr. S. To be his private tutor. 

Hans. Oh ! Vy, der feller said if you vill be a brivate 
tutor for von day, und lick nopody, und say nodding, 1 vill 
give you ten dollars. Und den ven dot old voman say come 
down und stay, he gife me elefen dollars a day because I ride 
on der horses on. 

Mr. S. Ah, that is why you were riding? 

Hans. Yah, for a dollar a day. 

Mr. S. And what were you doing before he hired you ? 

Hans. I vos blaying der trombone in der bans. Do you 
know vere iss my trombone ? 

Mr. S. No, but if it is in the house I will see that you get 
it. That is all, Mr. Smith. 

Hans. You vill gedt for me my trombone. Oh, dank 
you ! \_Exit, d. l. 

Mr. S. So Fred's tutor is the missing German, it seems. 
Now I shall confront Fred with these conflicting stories and 
demand the truth. 

Efiter Rich., French window v.., followed by Miss Snap. 

Rich. A lady to see Mr. Spencer. 

\_Exit French window R. 

Miss S. Mr. Spencer? 

Mr. S. At your service, madam. Won't you be seated ? 

Miss S. Thank you. {Sits l. of table r.; 

Mr. S. What can I do for you ? 

Miss S. I am a person, Mr. Spencer, who is usually very 
unwelcome, except to persons in your intellectual class. 1 am 
a book agent. 

Mr. S. {taking one step to l,). Oh, yes. 



THE PRIVATE TUTOR 55 

Miss S. I see lliat you have been reading the morning 
paper and I know that a man of your broad financial and social 
interests must naturally be very much interested in current 
events. 1 have two or three propositions that cannot fail to be 
of interest to a wide-awake man, such as I know you to be. 
Now, if you will permit me, I will show you 

Mr. S. Pardon me, Miss — Miss 

Miss S. Snap is my name. 

Mr. S. Pardon me. Miss Snap, but I don't think you have 
anything that will interest me this morning. 1 am too busy a 
man to spend much time reading. 

Miss S. Of course. And the proposition I have is for men 
just like you. A condensed epitome of current events in tabloid 
form for busy people, as it were. 

Mr. S. No, 1 don't think so. 

Miss S. Now, for instance, take the mysterious disappear- 
ance of the little German bandmaster in Clearfield that is caus- 
ing the whole country to wonder — I see by your face that you 
have been reading about it. 

Mr. S. Yes, I — 1 have glanced at the article. 

Miss S. Very strange, is it not ? There was a young man, 
the son of wealthy parents, with apparently not a care or worry 
in the world, and what could lead him to do such a thing ? 
Think how his father must feel. Perhaps j/d^/*; have a son. 

Mr. S. Yes, I have. 

Miss S. A college boy, it may be. 

Mr. S. Yes, worse yet — a Clearfield college boy. 

Miss S. Really ? Then he may know something about the 
disappearance — the parties concerned. 

Mr. S. No, I am sure Fred knows nothing about it. 

Miss S. (aside). Fred ! That's the right name. (71- 
Mr. S.) Is your son here? 

Mr. S. Yes, he's somewhere around. 

Miss S. (aside). Then he hasn't escaped yet. This is 
easy. (To Mr. S.) Now, Mr. Spencer, in this maga- 
zine 

Mr. S. Pardon me, Miss Snap, but you will have to excuse 
me. I — I — I am not feeling at ail well. 

Miss S. (rising). Why, Mr. Spencer, are you ill ? You 
are deathly pale. 

Mr. S. No, no ; I will be all right in a month or so— I 
mean a minute. 

Miss S. Let me ring for the butler ! 



56 THE PRIVATE TUTOR 

Mr. S, No, no, don't ring; don't talk; don't do any- 
thing. And don't for heaven's sake mention that Clearfield 
case again ! 

Miss S. Why, Mr. Spencer, what makes you so agitated ? 
Do you know anything about it ? 

Mk. S. No, no, I don't know anything about it ; how 
could I ? 

Enter Hans, d. l. 

Hans. Oxcoose, blease ; did you godt my trombone, yes ? 
Miss S. There he is ! Mr. Spencer, that is the missing 
man ! 

Mk. S. Woman, who are you ? 

Enter Fred, French window R. 

Miss S. Mr. Spencer, it becomes my painful duty to advise 
you that I am a representative of the Blueington Detective 
Agency and that 1 hold a warrant for your son's arrest, charged 
with the murder of Hans Dinklederfer. (Fked drops on the 
floor, unnoticed. Mr. S. staggers and Hans catches him. 
Miss S. to Hans.) Come, take him outside; fresh air is 
what he needs. 

{They take Mr. S. out d. l. Enter Geo., Fretich window 
R. He stumbles over Fred.) 

Geo. What's this ? Great Scott ! Fred, old man, what's 
the matter? Fred, speak to me. Are you hurt ? 

FuED. There they go, don't you see them ? Thousands 
of them. Detectives ! Look, there is the jailor ; hear those 
keys rattle. Don't let him get me ! I didn't kill him, I tell 
you, I didn't kill him. Don't you see that ? It is a warrant, 
a warrant, do you hear? Let me out of here ; I didn't kill him. 
Oil. these bars, these bars, I can't move them ! 

Geo. It seems to be a case of too many bars for you, old 
man. 

Fred (j-ecovering). Hello, George ! Where am I ? 

Geo. Where are you ? Oh, I see, you have fainted. 

Fred. Did I faint ? 

Geo. You must have ; I found you lying on the floor. 

{Helps him to rise.^ 



THE PRIVATE TUTOR. 57 

Fred. I remember now. {Excitedly.') George, do you 
know who is in this house ? 

Geo. Anybody might be, from your actions. 

Fred. A female arrest, with a detective for my warrant ! 

Geo. a warrant ! What for? 

Fred. For killing Germany ! 

Geo. For killing Germany ? 

Fred. That was the last I heard her say. Let's go out- 
side, where there is more fresh air. 

{They exit French window R. 

Enter Mr. S. and Miss S., d. l. 

Mr. S. So you see, madam, it was all a mistake. 

Enter Dolly, r. i e. 

Miss S. But what in the world would your son want with 
a man like that ? 

Mr. S. That is what I have been trying to find out for the 
last week. Dolly, let me introduce Miss Snap. My daughter, 
Miss Snap. 

Dolly. How do you do, Miss Snap ? 

Mr. S. Miss Snap is a detective, Dolly, and came here 
with a warrant for Fred. 

Dolly. A warrant for Fred ! 

Mr. S. Yes. You remember the piece in this morning's 
paper about the mysterious disappearance ? But 1 have proven 
to Miss Snap that Mr. Smith is very much alive. 

Dolly {to Miss S.). And what you don't understand is 
his presence here ? 

Miss S. Yes. 

Dolly. Well, I know all about it and if you will come into 
the garden I will explain it to you. 

Miss S. Any place you suggest. 

\_Exit Miss S., Mr. S. and Dolly, French window r. 

Enter Geo., r. i e. 

Geo. I guess it won't be necessary for Fred to make any 
confessions now. I am mighty glad I am not in his shoes. 

Enter Mrs. S., r. i e. 

Mrs. S. Mr. Carothers, have you seen Mr. Spencer ? 
Geo. He is in the garden. 



58 THE PRIVATE TUTOR 

Mrs. S. Thank you. [^£xi/ French window r. 

Geo. Poor Fred ! 

Enter Fred, r. i e., with suit of jeans on. 

Fred. George, do you know where a fellow can get a job 
at a small salary to start, but with good chances for advance- 
ment ? 

Geo. a job ! What do you mean, Fred ? 

Fred. Oh, I know when I have lost. I am going to dodge 
the detective and hunt work. It is all up with me here. 

Geo. Do you think your father will hold to his threat ? 

Fred. I plainly see that you don't know dad as well as I 
do. 

Geo. What are you going to do ? 

Fred. Anything I can get. When a fellow is hunting a 
job he is not particular. 

Geo. What can you do ? 

Fred. I can lead a cotillion, I can roller skate, and I can 
play "Home Sweet Home" on the piano, with one finger, 
this way. 

Geo. Well, with all those accomplishments and your ability 
at explaining things, you ought to try for the diplomatic serv- 
ice. 

Enter Mr. S., Mrs. S., Dolly and Miss S., French 
windotv, R. 

Mr. S. As you say, Miss Snap, it is a wonderful joke on 
the newspapers. Ah, there he is now. Fred, my boy, I ought 
to throw you out of the house bodily, but I am so overjoyed to 
have what was apparently a very serious matter turn out so 
satisfactorily, that I have not the heart to do it. 

Fred. Then you know everything ? 

Mr. S. Everything ! Even why they play baseball first 
to warm up the players. What have you those jeans on for ? 

Fred. As soon as I can find a bandana handkerchief to 
wrap my possessions in I am going out to hunt work. 

Mr. S. I am glad you believed what I told you about 
earning your own living, for I mean to stick to it. But it 
won't be necessary for you to leave home. You have had an 
experience that you won't soon forget, and I think you will 
behave yourself from now on. At any rate, I intend to give 



THE PRIVATE TUTOR 59 

you a trial. At six o'clock to-morrow morning you go to work 
at the oil well. 

Fred. Dad, how can I thank you ? 

Mr. S. By taking off those jeans. Mr. Carothers, Dolly 
has confided something to me that, despite your recent ex- 
perience, I must admit I am glad to hear. I like you. 

Geo, Mr. Spencer ! 

Mr. S. Don't say a word, but go back to school and when 
you are through come and see us. Miss Snap, it is with the 
greatest pleasure in the world that I confide to your care the 
object of more trouble than I have known for the last twenty 
years, Count Smith, better known to ' his friends as Hans 
Dinklederfer. 

Enter Hans, d. l. 

Hans. Did anypody see my trombone, yes, no ? 
Mr. S. There he is, Miss Snap. Take him and I wish you 
joy. 

Enter Rich., r. i e. ivith trombone. 

Rich. Here is something I found in the furnace. 



CURTAIN 



New Plays 



ELMWOOD FOLKS 

A Drama in Three Acts 
By Charles S, Bird 
Ajtthor of ''At the Jimciion," etc. 
Eight males, four females. Costumes, modern ; scenery, two interiors, 
one exterior. Plays a full evening. An easy and very actable piece with 
an unusually even cast of characters. Clean, wholesome and entertain- 
ing; can be recommended for school performance. 
Price, 2 J cents 

CHARACTERS 
David Bainbridge, editor of the Elmzvood " Item." 
James VVentworth, an old compositor. 
Squire Alford, a hard man. 
Dick. Alford, his stepson, a young lawyer. 
Whittier Jones, a contributor to the "Item." 
Tommy Gay, David' s apprentice. 
Mr. Pinch, an officer. 
A Messenger Boy. 
Mrs. Bainbridge, David's wife. 
Bessie Bainbridge, their daughter. 
Drucilla Jones, Whittier s aunt. 
Mary Gay, Airs. Bainbridge' s maid. Tommy s sister. 

SYNOPSIS 

Act I. — Office of the Elmwood Item. 

Act II. — Lawn beside the Bainbridge home. 

Act III. — Parlor in the same. 

HER UNCLE'S BOOTS 

A Farce in One Act 

By Mrs. Myrtle Barber Carpenter 

Seven females. Costumes, modern ; scene, an easy interior. Plays 
thirty minutes. An easy and effective little play suitable ibr Girls' 
Schools or young people in amateur theatricals. Very funny, but with a 
sympathetic thread of interest. Clean and bright. Recommended. 
Price, 75 cents 

AN OUTSIDER 

A College Play for Girls in One Act 

By Wilhemen Wilkes 

Seven females. Costumes, modern ; scenery, an interior. Plays 

thirty-five minutes. An unusually strong and sympathetic little play for 

its length and pretensions, strongly recommended to schools. The story 

turns upon a basket-ball match and is full of interest. 

Price, i§ cents 



By the Author of "Mr. Bob" 

THE NEW CRUSADE ~ 

A Comedy in Two Acts 
By Rachel Baker Gale 
Twelve females. Costumes, modern ; scenery, two interiors. Plays one 
hour and thirty minutes. A very amusing satire of the servant girl ques- 
tion, brimful of telling incidents and effective lines. All the parts are 
good and of nearly equal opportunity, and practically play themselves. 
Well rehearsed, it is a sure success and goes with a scream. Irish, negro 
and Swede character parts and a " tough " girl. Strongly recommended 
for ladies' clubs. Can be played only on payment of a royalty of ^5.00 
to the author. 

Price, 2^ cents 

CHARACTERS 

Miss Morris, nothing if not businesslike. 

Mrs. Cogswell-Brown, who believes in cooperative housekeeping, 

Mrs. Potter- Hewitt, who looks sjnall, but is not. 

Mrs. Raymond, who advocates "The New Crusade." 

Mrs. Archibald Tracey, in search of a 7naid and experience. 

Bridgett Mahoney, in search of " an ould gintleman." 

Mary Macguire, who likes "the theyatre in the winter toime." 

Augusta Olsen, who comes from "Svedenfor big motiay." 

Cassie Clay, who never "takes suggestions from anybody" 

Jennie Burch, who never "has time for ajtertioon tea." 

Matilda Johnson, who likes " slaughtermobiles and a choffer" 

Merry, the settlement girl — who's always "on de level." 

COATS AND PETTICOATS 

A Comedy in One Act 

By Rachel Baker Gale 

One male (played by a woman), seven females, and if desired, sixteen 

girls for chorus. Costumes, modern ; scene, an interior. Plays forty-five 

minutes. A very lively and amusing piece introducing fancy dresses, 

music and dancing. All the parts of about equal opportunity. Irish 

comedy part and two capital " old maids." Very funny and not difficult. 

Complete with music for the Suffragettes' song and march and the Old 

Maids' song and march. Very strongly recommended. 

Price, 2j cents 

AN EASY MARK 

A Farce in One Act 

By hinis Gardner Osbom 
Five males, two females. Costumes, modern ; scene, an easy interior. 
Plays thirty-five minutes. A side-splitting farce of college life lively enough 
to suit the most exacting demands. Full of funny incident and telling 
lines. Burlesque actor and " tough " young man parts ; the rest " straight" 
and all good. Recommended for schools. Frice, t£ cents. 



New Rural Plays 



VALLEY FARM 
A Drama in Four Acts 

By Arthur Lewis Tubbs 
Six males, six females. Scenery, two interiors and an exterior. Cos- 
tumes modern. This play is powerfully emotional, but is relieved by 
plenty of humor. An admirable play for amateurs, very sympathetic in 
theme, and with lots of good parts. Hetty is a strong lead, and Perry 
Deane and Silas great parts ; while Azariah, Lizy Ann Tucker and Ver- 
bena are full of fun. Plays a full evening. 
Price, 25 cents 

WILLOWDALE 

A Play in Three Acts 

By Arthur Lezvis Tubbs 
Seven males, five females. Scenery, two easy interiors; costumes 
modern. This is a play of exceptional interest and power. Its combina- 
tion of humor and emotional interest makes it almost certain to please any 
audience. Admirably suited for amateur performance, all the parts being 
good. Godfrey is an admirable heavy pare, Joel, Lem and Simon capital 
character parts, Mis' Hazey a novel eccentric bit, and Oleander a part ot 
screaming comedy. Plays two hours and a quarter. 
Price, 2^ cents 

DOWN IN MAINE 
A Drama in Four Acts 

By Charles Xozvnsend 
Eight male, four female characters. This charming play is Mr. 
Townsend's masterpiece. There are no villains, no " heroics," no tangled 
plot nor sentimental love-scenes ; yet the climaxes are strong, the action 
brisk, and the humor genial, and the characters strongly drawn. Can be 
played in any hall ; scenery, of the easiest sort. No shifting during any 
act. Properties, few and simple ; costumes modern. Plays a full evening, 
Strongly recommended. 

Price, 25 cents 

BAR HAVEN 

A Comedy in Three Acts 

By Gordan V. May 
Six males, five females. Costumes modern ; scenery, two interiors 
and an exterior, not difficult. Plays two hours. An excellent piece, 
cleverly mingling a strongly serious interest with abundant humor. Offers 
a great variety of good parts of nearly equal opportunity. Admirably 
suited for amateur performance, and strongly recommended. 
Price f 2^ £ents 



New Farces and Comedies 

HIGBEE OF HARVARD 
A Comedy Drama in Three Acts 

By Charles Townsend 
Five males, four females. Modern costumes ; scenes, two interiors and 
an exterior — the latter may be played as well in an interior, if preferred. 
Plays a full evening. A clever, up-to-date piece, well suited for aniateui 
perlormance. No small parts ; all good. Good plot, full of incident, nc 
love making, interest strong and sustained. 

Price, 12 cents 

A REGIMENT OF TWO 

A Farcical Comedy in Three Acts 

By Anthony E. mils 
Six males, four females. Modern costumes. Scene, an interior, the same 
for all three acts. Plays a full evening. A lively, up-to-date farce, easy to 
produce and full of laughs from beginning to end. All the parts good — 
'10 small ones. German comedy characters for both male and female, 
and " wild west " character part and English character comedy. Strongly 
recommended. 

Price, 2J cents 

THE MISSING MISS MILLER 
A Comedy in Three Acts 

By Harold A. Clarke 
Six males, five females. Scenery, two interiors ; costumes modern. 
Plays a full evening. A bright and up-to-date farce-comedy of the liveliest 
type. All the parts good ; full of opportunity for all hands. Easy to pro- 
duce and strongly recommended. Good tone ; might answer for schools, 
but is a sure hit for amateur theatricals. Professional stage rights reserved 
Price, 2§ cents 

MISS BUZBY'S BOARDERS 
A Comedy in Three Acts 

By Arthur Lewis Tubbs 
Five male, six female characters. Costumes modern ; scenery, two easy 
interiors. Plays two hours. In a lighter vein than this writer's other 
pieces, but just as strong, and offers plenty of comedy. All the parts good ; 
four call for strong acting. Several good character parts and effective 
heavy character. Dialogue especially good. A sure hit. 
Price,, 2J cents _ _ 






THF MifilSTRiTF ^^^^^ ^^ Threa Acts. Twslve malea, four 
Illli lHAUlJlI\illl( females. Costumee, modem; scenery, all 
Interior. Plays two hours and a half. 

THE NOTORIOUS MRS. EBBSMITE 



Drama in Four Acts. 
Ei.f'' ' males, five females. 
Costumes, modem ; scenery, all interiors PI: ys a tuU evening. 



THF PROFI Ifi ATF ^^y ^ Four Acts .seven males, five females . 
IUI4 raurMUAlIi scenery, three interiors, rather elaborate; 
costumes, modern. Plays a full evening. 



THE SCHOOLMISTRESS 



Farce in Three Acts. Nine males, seven 
females. Costumes, modern ; scenery, 
three interiors. Plays a full evening. 

THE SECOND MRS. TANQDEBAY ^r^vl" r.!,. =1;! 

tumes, modern ; scenery, three interiors. Plays a full evening. 

SWFFT I AYFNHFR comedy in Three Acts. Seven males, four 
li^TTLiLil l<All,nill.n fg^jaigg Scene, a single Interior; costumes, 

modern. Plays a full evening. 

THF TIIMFS Comedy in Four Acts. Six males, seven females. 
Scene, a single interior; costumes, modern. Plays a 
full evening. 

THF WFAKFR SFX comedy in Three Acts. Eight males, eight 
lUIi TTKAIVCn i9LA fg^jj^j^g Costumes, modem ; scenery, two 

Interiors. Plays a full evening. 

A WIFE WITBODT A SMILE "X^C wL.^S..«r:.: 

Modern ; scene, a single interior. Plays a full evening. 



One copy del. to Cat. Div, 



FEB 20 19^2 



pt of price by 

a Company 

ton, Massachusetts 



^s: 



e 015 793 060 6 

C|)e Willium 5^arren CUltion 
of ^laps 

AS YOIl I IlfF IT Comedy in Five Acts. Thirteen males, four 
AJ IW IfinXi II females. Costumes, picturesque ; scenery, va- 
ried. Plays a full evening. 

CAMIT I F I*'"^'!* i*^ Five Acts. Nine males, five females. Cos- 
S^AailLtl^lt tumes, modern ; scenery, varied. Plays a full evening. 

INllOMAR I'l^y ^^ Five Acts. Thirteen males, three females. 
(ll^uUlU Al\ Scenery varied ; costumes, Greek. Plays a full evening. 

IW ARY STII AHT Tragedy in Five Acts. Thirteen males, four fe- 
.lUiiiyi tJlUAni males, and 'supernumeraries. Costumes, of the 
, period , scenery, varied and elaborate. Plays a full evening. 

THE MERCHANT OF VENICE ^^J^^^:^^ SX'! 

ipieturesque ; scenery varied. Plays a full evening. 

RICHFI tFIl Play in Five Acts. Fifteen males, two females. Scer- 
JVlVllL<L<lL(U ery elaborate ; costumes of the j)eriod. Plays a full 
evening. 

THF VIVAT S Comedy in Five Acts. Nine males, five females. 
1 ULi ni T ALtJ Scenery varied ; costumes of the period. Plays a 
full evening. 

SHE blUUrS lU CONyUcK nmles, tour females, scenery va- 
ried ; costumes of the period. Plays a full evening. 

TWELFTH NIGHT: OR, WHAT YOU WILL llTA^mlUs: 

three females. Costumes, picturesque ; scenery, varied. Plays a 
full evening. 



Sent prepaid on receipt of price by 

Walttv 1$. iBafeer s, Company 

No. 5 Hamilton Place, Boston, Massachusetts 

ft. i PAHKHIIL A t:0 „ PRINTERS. BOSTON. U.S.K- 



